On Turning 30
I turned thirty last week, which felt like a very big deal in the months leading up to it, and then just like a wonderful thing that happened as soon as it happened. Any big life events–weddings, promotions, babies, round birthdays–arrive with a certain amount of pressure tagging along behind. In this moment, which somehow signifies something big, you better have your act together.
I couldn’t quite decide what I wanted mine to look like so I vacillated between extremes: I was either going by myself to an ashram to curl up in the quiet with my thoughts. Or I was purchasing a spangly jumpsuit to wear to a birthday bash held in the VFW party space tucked under a nearby subway stop. Choose your own adventure!
But I couldn’t escape the idea that thirty required some serious reflection, that I should bring intention to whatever was coming next in the new decade. That seemed important and yet…it also seemed like a drag. On an airplane to and from California recently, I pulled out a notebook and kept my pencil poised above a blank page. What did I need to bring into my life to make it fuller, brighter, happier? I’ve written the same thing to myself a thousand times.
Reflecting feels vital to a deliberate life. If we’re not considering what really lights us up and connects us to what’s most important, than aren’t we just drifting along? But as my birthday drew near, it seemed like there were little signs stacking that I might be hiding some micro-managing control freak tendencies inside the idea of “intention.” There was a tarot card of a man so lost in his own reverie he fails to see what’s right in front of him. And then, more pointedly, the friend who gently suggested I didn’t need the help of hallowed yoga halls to encourage me to reflect. If the pressure to reflect had been on my back like an itchy sweater, maybe it was time to stop scheming and time to appreciate the life I’ve already created.
I liked that idea. What’s the point of expending so much energy to fill our days with beauty, community, and fulfillment if we rarely stop to enjoy them? Really enjoy them, like knee-deep in the thick pleasure of it. Forward movement is seductive to anyone with a sense of potential and a keen imagination. This is how things could be if we did yoga at dawn, had those shoes, lived in that house. This kind of thinking can be good. It helps us achieve goals, consider what would really make us happy, and actively work towards creating the kind of life we want to live. But it’s also a little bit dangerous. I thought I needed to escape somewhere quiet to think about what I wanted in life when everything I wanted was already back at home: My messy, chaotic, lovely home.
Abby Try Again turned thirty this week, too, and I loved what she wrote on her blog:
Yesterday was my 30th birthday.
It felt special but not, big and little, insignificant and significant.
I’m a believer in recognizing the power of each day-not just focusing on milestones…but I couldn’t help but be reflective.
Somewhere in between the extremes–”special but not, insignificant and significant”–is our calling to see the beauty in each day. In the end, my birthday was somewhere between those two extremes I had imagined and felt just right. I took a couple days off from work so I could really enjoy myself. Friends took me out for dinner and I ate a crazy good barbecue sandwich. I went to a yoga class overlooking the East River one morning, met a friend in a wood and water-colored restaurant for a lady’s lunch of white wine and lobster rolls, and then we wandered around the West Village together holding our noses to perfume bottles and sitting in the sun with iced cortados. Perhaps the sparkly jumpsuit part of my birthday had its moment when I couldn’t resist a Dynasty-like leopard print wrap dress. I don’t know where or when I’ll have the occasion to wear such a thing, but I’m trying to get comfortable with the idea that the moment can present itself like an unexpected gift rather than be willed and schemed into existence. The lesson of this year has been hitting me over the head again and again: enjoy what’s right before you. It’s more than you think. It might even be enough.
Katie @ cakes, tea and dreams: Happy belated 30th, Sarah. And I think you’ve nailed it: enjoying the moment is so important, especially for those of us who are always looking ahead to the next thing. So glad you had the chance to savor the good stuff.1 year ago
Kelly Jeanne: Happy birthday, Sarah!
I’ll be hitting this milestone soon as well, in September, and I’ve already been thinking a bit too much about What Thirty Means.
The number itself is throwing me a bit, but then I remember that I’m wiser (I hope!) and happier than ever. So what if I’m getting nudged out of the twenty-something club? Let’s start our own!
1 year ago
Kristina Strain: Beautifully said. Happy birthday!1 year ago
Helen Campbell: That last couple of sentences say it all! I’m sitting here amongst a pile of washing to be put away while my 1 year old runs amok, and both of us have colds. I’m frustrated I’m not able to get any work done (I’m a jewellery designer) as my daughter only naps on me. I’ve just given her a feed + she looks deeply into my eyes + I’m just thinking ‘this will be over before I know it’ and there’ll be new frustrations. So I guess what I’m saying is, yes there are things in our lives already to be thankful for and enjoy it while it is here…embrace it! Sometimes the ordinary is special enough.1 year ago
Helen Campbell: Happy belated birthday, btw. 4 years into my thirties and can say it is the best decade!!! X1 year ago
Jen: Happy birthday!
I’m turning 30 at the end of the year and while I feel like there are few goals/experiences/whatevers I need to cross off my list before December 17, another part of me feels like just welcoming the new decade will be enough. I still love my plans and lists, but another part of me just feels like letting certain special things just happen on their own might be the most 30 and ‘grown-up’ way to live.1 year ago
MrsB: Sarah! Happy Birthday! I have thought of you often this week as I have read two fabulous books….
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Happy-Yoga-Reasons-Theres-Nothing/dp/0060533390/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1335195146&sr=1-1
http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Power-Now-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/0340733500/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1335195123&sr=8-1
I would love to send you happy yoga for your birthday! Enjoy your 30′s! They are wonderful….in my opinion
x1 year ago
EB: Darling-
I’m so glad you had a lovely birthday! And next time you’re in the air trying to think of what to write on that pad, write “Call ErinBlythe to drink French cocktails” Done.1 year ago
Lindsay: Your leopard print dress and the end of this post reminded me of one of my favorite quotes by Dave Eggers that I once read in an issue of McSweeney’s:
“…the random, the experimental, and the straight-forward-and-gut-twisting can coexist, can inform each other, can cross-pollinate even, and we are all the better for it.”
Happy birthday Sarah. Enjoy with intention and abandon.1 year ago
Cadi: First, Happy Belated Birthday to you, Sarah! It sounds like it was filled with wonderful things.
I too feel like I’m constantly on a wide-sweeping search for more, for spiritual fulfillment, for what really lights me up. In the time that I haven’t been working, I’ve been working at changing that mindset to be a little less ‘must keep up with the Joneses’ and seeing that ‘the Joneses have so much they can’t even enjoy it or themselves.’ In this life we have so much, but the modern American culture seems to require a quest for more ~ whether that be more experiences, more money, a larger home, that new iPad. Makes it tough to just stop, look around at the wonderful life you built, and exhale, realizing that it’s enough, and it’s lovely.
Welcome to your 30s, girl, you’re going to love it here.1 year ago
Samantha M.: Happy belated b-day! Welcome to the 30+ club – as my (only slightly) older girlfriends pointed out as I was dreading the age change, it’s actually pretty awesome on the other side. While I’m struggling with my own lack of forward movement, something that I easily get mired in because of my self-enforced checklist that I didn’t achieve by my 30th birthday, I have also been trying to find joy in every day. =) I have good days and bad.
One thing I will say for turning 30: it somehow made me able to finally shrug off a lot of insecurities and needless obsessions – again, good and bad days with this, but more good than bad. Here’s to a new decade filled with finding our own definition of happiness!1 year ago
elizabeth: Well, that made me teary. Nailed it, as usual. Thanks, and Happy 30′s Sarah. I think you’re gonna rock ‘em.1 year ago
Amy C: Happy Birthday, Sarah!
You have such a lovely way with words – what a wonderful reflection. I just turned 30 on April 8th (it seems as if many of your readers are all the same age!). It felt really insignificant when the actual day arrived – it was Easter, we had family over, we ate an asparagus tart and ham.
Then a few days later, I got sick. Like, REALLY sick. Like, 3 days vomiting and curled into a ball in bed, which turned into a lung infection where I couldn’t breathe and went to the hospital, which morphed into the flu for a week and a half sick.
I’ll tell you what – it was sobering. It really hit me, hard. I’d never had lung problems like that, nor have I ever had such a hard time getting over being sick. It was like the gong of being 30 was struck with full force – I’m not 21 anymore. I don’t bounce back from being sick as quick as I used to. It sent all of those morbid, oh-god-I-can’t-stop-the-inevitable thoughts rushing to the forefront.
Now that I’m feeling better, of course, all those thoughts recede into the din of everyday life, and I’m trying to exist in the moment, where I am. But it was quite an initiation into my thirties – I don’t know whether I’m better for it or not. I like to think that perhaps I was getting some Karmic stuff out of the way, so that now the slate is cleared, debts have been repaid, and I am ready for a fabulous 30th year…1 year ago
Sara Rose: I knew you would have a wonderful birthday. Hugs!1 year ago
Suse: Ouch1 year ago
Jessica Hudson: Happy belated birthday
I’m a lurker usually, but today you made me cry a little so I had to say thanks. You always seem to be writing the very thing I am thinking, and today I was feeling that need to reflect, to plan out the future- and driving myself crazy. It’s overcast in southern cali today, and I’m feeling as grey as the sky. Thank you for the reminder that right now is enough.1 year ago
Tami -- Teacher Goes Back to School: sarah – happy birthday!
it’s funny when i look back to when i turned 30 a) it seems so long ago and b) i was at the cusp of changing my career and with it, my life. it seems the 30s are the decade when you decide really what is important and the rest fades away.
looking forward to watching your new decade unfold. the 40s, for me, have been even more life changing and introspective. i’m definitely digging it.1 year ago
Thank you all for the birthday wishes! I really did dread crossing the 30 threshold, but now that I have, I love it here. Thanks for the warm welcome to the club.
Helen, What a great, full, messy image of real life in all is beautiful chaos..and then coming into the sharpest of focus! So lovely.
Jen, I love this: “letting certain special things just happen on their own might be the most 30 and ‘grown-up’ way to live.”
Mrs B, Nothing I love more than a book recommendation. Thank you for thinking of me!
EB, Oh, you know it! I so look forward to our next French cocktail together.
Lindsay, Can I just say how much I love the idea of “intention and abandon”? Beautifully put.
Cadi, It is so hard to tune out that “quest for more” culture, isn’t it? It’s something I am struggling with (obviously) and it feels like a meditation practice: I am literally having to bring my attention back to what’s right here about a bazillion times a week. But those moments when it comes together? Those are sweet.
Samantha, I’ve heard that before about 30 being the decade where insecurities fall away, and I must admit that I am most excited for that.
Amy C, Gosh, that sounds like quite a scary entry to 30 (and I’m so glad you’re better now), but I must admit I love the idea of it having been a karmic clearing and now you have a clean slate. I might just borrow that way of framing it…
Jessica, I love when a commenter comes out of the woodwork, so thank you for that. I’m so glad this felt like the right reminder at the right time.1 year ago
Sara Rose: BTW- despite it being belated and my knowing you would have a marvelous birthday, do two things? Have an extra birthday cocktail this weekend (no reason to NOT keep celebrating!) and enjoy a really GREAT piece of cake! I’m off of both for a bit, sadly. So, enjoy for me! Mwah! And arent you happy to move into the next stage of contemplation? I actually am. I really am.1 year ago
Sasha: Happy Birthday, Sarah! There’s no reason to fear the 30′s, they are the new 20′s after all. I will say though, that you’ve got exactly the right spirit going into them! I spent my early 30′s thinking that they were a time clock, that I had to accomplish all of my career/relationship/financial goals in order to find “happiness.” However, as they say, life happens! Less than a month away from my last birthday in my 30′s, I feel so much happier now than I ever was before, and partly I think it’s due to learning that I can be happy without “accomplishing” what I, or anyone else, “thinks” will make me happy! Those of us with ambition need to remember not to become slaves to it! May you find your groove between growing and enjoying what’s right before you!1 year ago
Amanda: You stopped me in my tracks when I read “iced cortados.” YES. When I turned 30, I was PUMPED for what was to come. In my case, I had just gotten married weeks before, and now I have a lil guy who’s about to turn 1. The 30s rule. Enjoy it.1 year ago
Monday's Nugget-Lana: Happy Birthday, Sarah!
1 year ago
I, too, was apprehensive about the big 3-0. So what did I do? I vacationed in Italy with 2 girlfriends the whole week leading up to the big day. I ate and drank my way through the last week of my 20′s, saw David and soaked up the Tuscan sun.
I flew home on March 25, the day before my birthday. My husband has a text saved on his phone that I sent him saying, “I can’t believe that the last day of my 20′s will be spent in 2 countries and 3 states. How surreal.”
My actual birthday was spent in that lazy fog of a vacation that has rejuvenated your soul, your body and your spirit. I visited family, dropping of gifts for them instead of the other way around. I highly recommend it.
courtney: I enjoyed this post. I also like Abby’s idea about not simply focusing on the milestones and your comment about “living a deliberate life.” I’m in my early 30s and so far, it’s been the best decade yet. I really mean that.1 year ago
DesigningDiva: Oh, the 30′s are great – and so are the 40′s, so just keep looking forward to the fun! In my 30′s, I really felt secure enough to live exactly the way I wanted to – if I don’t feel like doing something, whether it’s meeting friends for another at-home candle party (oh, bore!) or going out, I just don’t. Time is precious and I’ve gotten to the point that if it’s not something I truly want to participate in, I will graciously decline. I have plenty of opportunities to do fun things with my friends and I do, but I will not waste my time feeling obligated to do something I’m not wholeheartedly into. I feel like this gives me a second-wind of sorts and gives me both the energy and the time to accomplish some of my previously postponed dreams. Enjoy the ride – it only gets better!!!1 year ago
Rachel: Happy birthday Sarah! I just love the way you ended the post: “enjoy what’s before you”– so simple and true!1 year ago
My Thirty Spot: Happy 30th birthday! Welcome to an amazing decade and the club! Fabulous post, it was a great read and I enjoyed reading it your perspective to the bi 3-0.
Cheers!
http://www.mythirtyspot.com1 year ago
Meg@thelegaltart: Thank you so much for this post. I often forget to focus on the present, instead focusing on all the things i need to do to make me the best version of me and my life the most fulfilling it can be. Happy Birthday and welcome to your thirties!1 year ago
geek+nerd: Happy birthday, Sarah. Lovely post. A dear friend of mine just turned thirty yesterday, and I’m going to pass this on to her.1 year ago
Kanesha Baynard: Happy Belated Birthday, Sarah!
I hope the 30s are super magical and full of wonder, adventure, and mega love. That’s how they were for me.1 year ago
Rebecca: Happy birthday, Sarah! I’ve been reading you for — oh my gosh — 6 years? 7? I really treasure your writing. I hope you have your best year yet.51 weeks ago