Making Time
Random question: How much non-work stuff do you guys get done at home at night? My commute sucks, yes, but I just have a hard time doing anything beyond eating and watching tv most nights. Every once in a while I get inspired and get shit done, but I just hate that about myself? Any tips?
When a friend sent me this email recently, her plight felt all too familiar. Between the bookends of work and sleep, it seems there are only two sweet hours of freedom (on a good day!) each night. We eat, we watch a tv show and then poof: they’re gone. So what of bigger projects like writing, painting, filing insurance claims? When are we supposed to get to that? I knew that it was the perfect question to bring here. Because I know what my friend feels frustrated by is not at all a unique problem.
I have long been obsessed with the quotidian details of people’s days. And I love when people lay out on their blogs what a day in their lives looks like, not only because it usually shatters any oh-I-bet-all-she-does-is-drink-lattes-and-feel-inspired jealousy with its authenticity, but because there’s likely a lesson in there for all of us: There is a lot of email. We are taking care of business, and taking care of business takes time.
So in a way, this question is in two parts: How do you take care of the business in your life? When do you tidy up, schedule doctor’s appointments, go to kickboxing? And the second part is about what makes you feel inspired and alive: When do you make time for your creative work? What do your evenings end up looking like?
For me, the second question is the most important, and the answer is the mornings. If I want to write or work on Pink of Perfection, the only time it’s going to get done is in the morning before work. I’ve been calling it my Creative Hour. And I should really do it every morning to get some momentum going, but sleep often wins out. It’s something I’m working on.
(Especially as I read in The Social Animal about mastery: People who take their craft seriously don’t just spend five times more time on it than the rest of us, they use that time intensely. Benjamin Franklin taught himself good writing by composing notes for himself on each sentence of an essay. Then, a week later, he would attempt to put the piece back together again solely from his notes. Seriously.)
My productive evenings–which quite honestly are few and far between–happen when I set a timer for 20 minutes and tackle something: the clothes that have accumulated on the bathroom floor, the pile of mail on the desk. Usually though, my evenings are not unlike the one my friend recounted, and for me, that’s OK. We’re not machines who can be constantly processing and productive. I need to time to sit around, to read in the bathtub, to look at pictures on Pinterest, to stir a pot. That downtime feels vital to being able to face the next day with energy and an open-mind. I’m a fervent proponent of rest, and I think it’s as important part of creativity and contentment as making and doing.
But how do you do it, wise women? When do you tackle the business of life and your creativity? And what do you do with your evenings? Your ideas never fail to inspire me (and my friend thanks you!).
Laureen: Wow – this is such a great question—especially because at the end of so many evenings, when I’m sitting on my couch with Stephen Colbert, I wonder where the hell the night got away to….
I’m most creative in the evenings, and since my husband works a few nights a week, I bust out my little projects or journal or watercolor then. I used to hate our mismatched schedules but I’ve come to really enjoy the nights when I can focus on myself & my creative outlets.
When it comes to taking care of business, I usually try to squeeze that stuff into little moments in my day. Scheduling a pilates class before work means that I a) have to get up and get my workout out of the way, and b) gives me time to make phone calls as I walk to work or indulge in some RadioLab podcasts. I try to set up automatic bill pay for all of my utilities so that’s taken care of and if I have to schedule an appt or something else I’ll call over my lunch break or a quick walk to get coffee.
Taking care of business at home after work is a different story. My methodology can be summed up by ‘action & distraction’ — I try not to get sucked onto the couch and sometimes quite literally bring streaming West Wing episodes with me from room to room while I do my chores. There’s nothing better than scouring the bathtub in the company of President Bartlet, Josh Lyman & CJ Cregg.
Really looking forward to hearing how everyone else gets it all done!11 weeks ago
Fajr: Making time to do the things I love is something I truly struggle with. With so much responsibility, full-time job, side business, blog and sleep it seems that there’s no time left,
Lately I’ve been trying to ruthlessly cut things that I loathe or just don’t feel great about out of my life. I know that once I clear my plate I’ll be able to make more time for the things that truly light me up, like writing.
I’ve toyed with waking up earlier to get stuff done and of course my bed wins out the majority of time. I have been good with using my lunch hour to get light blogging done.
What I’ve noticed most is not that there isn’t enough time but that when I use my time wisely, stop bitching and moaning and just get stuff done, I have more time for other things.11 weeks ago
Betsy: Alright, I know it is fairly off-topic, but I’ve been reading your blog ever since I began college four years ago, and now I am about to graduate. I am so excited to set up my own new household in a small apartment near the school where I will be teaching kindergarten. But I had to ask, what sort of essentials of a household should I start with? What goes into the cupboards? The fridge? What about linens? What furniture? Cleaning supplies? The only things I have now are my wardrobe and a full set of plates, bowls, and serving dishes just given to me by a friend.
So, if you could go back, set up a fantasy household on a budget, what would you include? Maybe I can glean from you.11 weeks ago
domestikate: Oh, I needed this tonight, as so often happens with your posts. This week I have a life to-do list as long as my arm, and some creative plans too, but all I seem to be able to do is get-home-eat-dinner-hit-couch. I’ve been feeling guilty and frustrated about it, so tomorrow I’ve set my alarm an hour early and plan to have some productive pre-work time, then I don’t need to worry about crashing out in the evening. Generally I find small daily to-do lists can help (breaking down the big list makes it less daunting) and also having some free time at the weekend to get caught up rather than filling it all with social plans!11 weeks ago
Monday's Nugget - Lana: This made me smile because I can remember feeling this same way before I had Grace. I would race home, change my clothes, make dinner and maybe squeeze in a walk. Some nights, okay, MOST nights I would forego the walk in lieu of a good show or a good book.
11 weeks ago
Ohhh, what I would do for those moments today. LOL! Relish the time you have to yourself, even if it seems short, because once the babies start coming there will be no “you” time.
Megs: I just do not deal with the business of my life. Which is truly horrible and irresponsible. But I deal with other peoples’ business ALL DAY. The last thing I want is MORE business.
Not good.11 weeks ago
Megs: I just do not deal with the business of my life. Which is truly horrible and irresponsible. But I deal with other peoples’ business ALL DAY. The last thing I want is MORE business.
Not good.11 weeks ago
Nicté Trujillo: I work 10 hours daily, from monday through friday so I really have no time on weekdays but somehow I have managed to schedule things very specifically to not go mad.
I also happen to have diabetes type 1 so exercise and diet are super important and so I focus on that in weekdays. Every day, when I get up I do like 10 minutes of exercise to get my system going, grab a bite and run to work. Before my lunch I walk half an hour around my office building and then get back to business.
For me, the creative moments are only truly enjoyed on weekends, because I am not full of job ideas and feel much more inspired to do stuff but even so, I try to at least 2 times a week, write for my blog and read proof before posting…now. I used to blurt everything and not mind for typos but I am trying to not do that anymore.
Then on weekends I take any outfit photos I might have shot during the week and edit them, order any photos for blog posts, do some drinking tea-browsing while in bed and so on…
And sometimes..I feel I am doing nothing with my life…11 weeks ago
Liz: This post is incredibly timely for me! I’m so glad to hear that other people have this problem too.
I ride the train for two hours a day, and I am learning to bring my laptop and be creative on the train, although often Words with Friends wins out. (I’m thinking about deleting the app even though I love it b/c it’s become one more thing to keep up on).
Sometimes I use my lunch break, but often times I just wander around looking at pretty houses and gardens and giving my mind a break.
It’s definitely a struggle that I’ve been facing recently, as I feel like by not reaping the mental benefits of creativity, my physical body is also reacting with some interesting ailments.
Thank you for this post!11 weeks ago
Kristina L: I just heard a fascinating NPR interview with Laura Vanderkam, author of 168 Hours: You Have More Time Than You Think. I didn’t have time to listen to the whole piece, but the few minutes I did catch were very interesting, especially when she addressed how to “find” more free time. Here’s a link to the interview: http://www.npr.org/2012/02/28/147580898/not-enough-hours-in-the-day-how-to-find-more-time?ft=1&f=511 weeks ago
Ashley: Such good thoughts here. For me, I make myself complete all important items on Saturday. Sunday is nearly sacred as a “do nothing” day and I let it all go to just BE. We cook and hang out, watch movies, garden, visit with neighbors or friends who are willing to drive to us, but it’s all very low key and super relaxed. If I run around like a mad woman and get all nutty doing stuff on Sunday I set myself up to crash by Thursday of the next week from over load.
It’s taken me a long time to assert myself and make ME and my needs a priority and not drive hither and yon and check off my to do list. I’m a much better parent, friend and partner though when I do. My kids are usually much happier too, which is absolute gold.11 weeks ago
Amanda Bretz: I’ve learned to automate a lot of things in my life, from automatic bill pay online to scheduling blog posts, it just makes things easier.
When I have household chores to do, I find if I turn on some music, I have no problem loading the dishwasher, folding laundry, etc, because, hey, I can get up and dance while I do my work! (It seems like I get through the task a whole lot quicker too) Although if I don’t motivate myself with music, I sit on the couch like a schlump and lethargically eyeball the piles of dirty clothes and dishes and wonder why the housecleaning fairy never visits my apartment.
I hope this helps you!11 weeks ago
Zarah: Let me second Kristina L’s recommendation of 168 Hours – I love that book! Actually, I should probably read it again. I have a young son (almost 2 yrs old) so most of my post-work early-evening time is taken up cooking dinner and playing with him. If I can tag-team with my husband, sometimes I can get the kitchen cleaned but usually that has to wait until after my son’s bedtime. I will occasionally get going on some house or cooking project – laundry, cooking something ahead of time, etc – but I usually peter out before I’m completely done and end up leaving a big mess. It drives my husband crazy but if I didn’t make those messes, NOTHING would get done around my house. Not sure what the solution is. I hate spending my weekends cleaning up after myself, but that is where I am right now.11 weeks ago
Tami -- Teacher Goes Back to School: i have this image pinned as well – it really speaks to my situation.
so many like minded commenters – i am currently reading 168 hours and also heard it mentioned on npr today. it is helping me sort through how i’m spending my time.
sarah, please know you are not alone in this. my evenings are spent watching tv and reading because that’s about all i have left after the day. i’ve usually started childcare by 6am and am alone with a high energy toddler for 9 hours before i escape to the gym when my husband gets home from work.
i’m most productive in the daylight, especially in the early morning. lately i’ve been writing posts on my ipod touch while the baby sleeps on my chest during the day and spending saturday morning transferring text and picking images and scheduling posts.
i’ve been also setting a timer to tidy up most days and making beds as soon as we get up. this helps keep the avalanche of clutter at bay (barely). we have a house cleaner (part of our family’s success team ie necessary so no one leaves to get milk and never returns home) come twice a month and i do laundry most days, making sure to fold what i wash in that day. dishes just keep coming and we run the dishwasher every day.
my husband does loads of housework and paperwork and we still feel a bit like we need more time for it all. if only we had a secretary to help us get it all done.
i’m not sure if this is good news, or bad. it does make me feel better that i’m not the only one struggling.11 weeks ago
Cadi: Oh man, answers to two questions that constantly plague me in My Big Girl Life. I think back on my youthful early 20s and remember how ‘easy’ it all was – even though it wasn’t. I wonder if there is actually a balance that one can strike, or is this the eternal quest that all of us ladies are on together, searching for the correct balance of clean home, fulfilled creativity, light but meaningful exercise, and social hour?
Sweet Sarah, if you find the answer please do share it!11 weeks ago
chiara: I admit I often come back home exausthed, so your question really resonates with me.
What I do, is spread whatever I have to do during the week. Which is quite enough, since on top of work I am getting a new home ready and organizing my wedding.
Only one task a day. Just as an example, here is how this week went:
Mon – going to choose and place an order for bathroom furniture
Tue – wedding band shopping and dinner at fiance’s mom’s
Wed – folding laundry, ironing, changing sheets
Thu – facial
Fri – dermatologist to check on my surgery
And so on – this is just an example.
As for creativity – I love to wake up early to catch up on reading and writing!11 weeks ago
Angela: Oh boy, I could not be more in tune with your friend’s feelings. I’m a designer, so one trick I have for working on side projects is to do anything that’s less thinking-intensive WHILE I sit on the couch and watch tv. That works pretty well for when I have a project already started and headed in a good direction, but it’s hard to find time and mental energy to get it to that point after working 9, 10 hours a day. I’m trying to figure out how to take my work to the next level, but the reality of working 16 to 18 hour days to make it happen, and run our household, make dinner, go to the gym, see friends, etc is so intimidating. I’m loving seeing how other ladies are dealing with the same issues.11 weeks ago
danielle: i rarely, if ever, get anything done when i get home from work, and probably not much more on the weekends. more often than not, i have some sort of “accountability partner” that spurs me on to do what i need to do – when the boyfriend is coming over, the room gets straightened and the dishes done. when i need to run errands, i usually ask a friend to go with to make sure i actually get out the door and do them. even when i was younger, my mom used to sit in my room while i cleaned to keep me on task.11 weeks ago
I love hearing what other people do, and I identify with so much of it. Love Laureen’s idea of watching streaming videos while you take care of household chores, and Ashley’s idea of having a sacred Do Nothing day (very important to me!).
Thanks, Kristina L, for sharing the podcast link with the author of 168 Hours. Listening to it now, actually. Has anyone ever done a time audit (where, like a food journal, you log exactly how you spend your time in a day)?
Angela, your intimidation/overwhelmed feeling feels so familiar to me. And I love Danielle’s idea of an accountability partner–that is very smart. (Having people over, for example, always gets the house clean!).11 weeks ago
Liza in Ann Arbor: Well, being a teacher, I take care of most appointments, home improvements, etc. in the summer. I detest grocery shopping on the weekends (too crowded, often out of what I need), so I usually hit the grocery on my way home from work on Fridays. If I need to supplement during the week, I stop by the tiny food Co-op. I have to be up too early to get anything done in the am, so creative time is in the pm. I make sure to have some “me” time doing things that release stress: a cup of tea and a chapter of my book, cooking a dinner (that will last me several days), catching up on my favorite shows. I clean my house for two hours every Saturday and I NEVER take work home. I’d rather stay late at work than corrupt my “me” time with work obligations. That about covers it!11 weeks ago
Sasha: Such a great question Sarah! I’ve been feeling short of time because at the start of the year I decided I was going to take these online training courses–fitting in time to watch them, let alone go through them on the computer, has been very challenging!
Here are some of the things that have helped:
1. Multi-tasking. LIke others have mentioned, I realize that in order for me to understand the material in the class I’m going to have to watch these videos multiple times. So during the week, I put the videos on my USB on the Roku and play them while I’m making and eating dinner. I know that the first time I watch them, it will be all Greek to me, but if that’s going to happen, might as well get something productive done and let my subconscious absorb what it can. I’ve found that if I do this, the second time I watch the video it’s SO much easier to understand as I will remember portions, plus I have the Big Picture down, which is always important.
2. Stacking Tasks. If I can coordinate activities so that less work is involved it really helps. I go to the gym and then go to Trader Joe’s right afterwards as it’s close. I skip the arm weights and just do cardio as carrying my groceries will be enough. While on the stationery bicycle I either read the book for my book group or watch more training videos on Lynda.com. Or go over my To-Do Lists on my iphone and check email.
3. Interval Chores. I realized early in life I’m not a marathon runner. I have no endurance physically whatsoever, and excel at sprinting, literally. So I’ve applied this to my chores as well. Oftentimes I’ll get my best ideas for what to do when I’m relaxing, so I’m watching Downton Abbey on the Roku and when I suddenly remember what I need to do, I hit the pause button, go to the chore (take out the trash, clean up the sink, go renew my books online, go check on the laundry) and then when I’m done, go relax and continue watching the show. The show may take twice or three times as long, but the chores get done and an amnesia occurs where I only remember the show!
Finally, it really is true that at the end of the day, we’re all pretty spent. This article from the nytimes about decision fatigue is great: http://www.nytimes.com/2011/08/21/magazine/do-you-suffer-from-decision-fatigue.html?pagewanted=all
What this means for me is that I plan what I want to do in the evening before the evening hits. I don’t come home and decide whether I want to go to the gym and then get groceries, but I decide in the morning that I will do this and then I will follow my own “orders” in the evening without thinking about it. Relying on being “motivated” doesn’t work for me; what works is simply deciding that I’m going to do something later and then doing it because if I don’t do it then another decision would have to be made and that’s the last thing I want to do at the end of the day!
Thanks for all the great suggestions from everyone as well!11 weeks ago
Kelly: I use a mix of strategies that others have mentioned. I try to space out my expectations for myself each week; I have a chore chart with one chore assigned to each weekday, which theoretically leaves the weekends free of cleaning. In reality, I do not have time to work AND exercise AND clean AND see my husband all in the same night most of the time– and that’s without factoring in outside obligations and nights when I just. can’t. do. anything!
So I look at my available evenings and decide whether I’m going to work out or clean. Sometimes cleaning tasks get put off til Saturday. Sometimes I decide that mopping the floors is more important than getting in my 5k.
I listen to audiobooks while I run and do chores. I resent the time less when I’m listening to a book I’ve been wanting to read.
I try to meal plan for the week on Sundays, and I try to look ahead in the week and chop up veggies, etc. ahead of time when I can. I cook almost exclusively in crock pots. There’s no stove-minding, which frees up a lot of precious evening time.11 weeks ago
Suse: Lists.
And when I landed my current job, I am using the increase in salary to hire a cleaning lady. Turns out I really scored: she has started a school in Africa for indigent children. So when I purge my stuff she takes it and either sends it on or sells it for their benefit.
I am so lucky…and so grateful.11 weeks ago
Katie: I’m late to the party! I’m also the friend who first posed this question to Sarah, complete with the typo (the question mark at the end of the sentence that needed a period — I hate seeing that in print!).
Anyway, this window into other people’s struggle with this makes me feel less alone and the tips are so helpful! Thank you Sarah, and everyone!11 weeks ago
Katie @ cakes, tea and dreams: I LOVE this question and all these comments, because this is exactly what I struggle with all. the. time.
I’ve become a big fan of meal-planning, jotting down what we need for the week and then buying it on the weekend. This helps avoid 47 trips to the grocery store during the week, and lowers my stress level.
Lately I’ve been struggling to find creative time – and I think the answer is to get up earlier (though I really don’t want to). I use my lunch breaks to read and recharge – which is helpful – but I’m missing the quiet time to write.
Thanks for the links to 168 Hours – I am intrigued!11 weeks ago
C.: Oh this is the story of my life. Both your friend’s question, and the article about claiming to be “too busy to breathe”, but then realizing that you’re really wasting a ton of time with mindless tasks.
My latest thing, which so far seems to be working well, is I’ve imposed an “any 2 things” rule for when I get home in the evening… I *have* to do 2 things, any 2 things, on my to-do list and no more. Doesn’t matter if I get home at 6 or at 9, and if I’m energetic or exhausted… I have to pick 2. After those 2 things are complete – whatever the task is… paying bills, cleaning the toilet, folding laundry, catch up on e-mail, etc – I grant myself guilt-free me time for the rest of the evening. This way I get things done in small spurts, I don’t have to spend all weekend on chores when I actually have the time and energy to be creative / social, and I can burrow in with my book for the rest of the night without the shadow of a miles-long to-do-list hanging over me like a black cloud.
(Plus these things never take as long as I think they do. In my mind, emptying the dishwasher is like a half-hour commitment, but in reality it takes about 10 minutes).11 weeks ago
I love the point about how there’s how long you think a task is going to take…and there’s the reality of how long it takes–usually much shorter than you think!11 weeks ago
Ashley: Wow, so awesome that you’ve responded to comments. Thanks.
It was my boyfriend, actually, who coined the term “do nothing day” and it’s stuck for years now. It’s true, though, when I take myself seriously and I assert my boundaries, others fall into step with me.
The Do Nothing Day has saved my sanity on many occasions. Now, mind you, it doesn’t mean I don’t actually do anything around my house; I do laundry and tidy up, cook (actually, we always have a BIG Jamaican Sunday dinner of rice and peas and usually chicken, thanks to said boyfriend) or other things, but the point is that we have an entire 24 hours with no expectation of GOING anywhere.11 weeks ago
JiJi: I’ve been trying to balance my full time day job with my comedy pursuits and while it has not been easy at all, I’m learning that coffee, naps, and social media can make the days a little easier.
I try to wake up around 630 to write before work. If I have a show that night, I’ll use my lunch break to go to a coffee shop and practice my routine–although I admit that sometimes it’s hard not to feel self conscious when the other patrons are staring at the girl talking to herself
My day job is pretty demanding so by the time I come home, I’m exhausted. I love taking a 15 min zone out period where I just kinda stare off into space or maybe even nap a little. I guess this is my way of starting job number 2. Afterwards, I’ll either write some more or go off to a performance.
On nights that my boyfriend comes over for dinner, I’ll make some pasta and veggies that I picked up from Trader Joes. Trader Joes was made for creative busy bodies who want to eat good food but not sacrifice time!
Trying to juggle work and comedy has made making time for friends pretty difficult. The best is when I can go to comedy shows with my friends so it’s like I have the best of both worlds. But social media like Facebook and Twitter and blogs have made it much easier to stay in touch.
Balance is never easy. One thing always slips. There have been times when I’ve broken down and cried and screamed “I’m so tired”. I’ve had friends say that I’m not there for them as much. I’ve slipped up at work for being too tired. But I HAVE to do these creative projects or else I don’t feel fulfilled.11 weeks ago
JiJi: Oh, and reading your blog helps me feel much centered at the end of the day. So thank you
11 weeks ago
Kate: I average a fourteen hour day including a central London commute and I find if I go straight home after work, nothing happens beyond shower, tv, read and sleep. However, three nights a week I plan and do things on my way home: meet friends for a quick drink, late cinema, dinner at a friend’s house, theatre, debates, lectures etc This helps me go home with a veneer of work/life balance. Now I need to make the most of my Saturday morning – sleep is always too enticing!11 weeks ago
M.: I am enjoying reading all of the comments. I guess, like many others, I get by on a combination of all of these things. However, it helps that I have a seasonal job also. I get stuff done, travels/schoolwork/whatnot, during the winter. When working, I don’t get quite as much done, but I strive to have a balance by enjoying some good books, spending time with family & friends, chocolate, and some volunteering at our local film festival!11 weeks ago
Rebecca @ A Domino Effect: I love this kind of discussion! And I’m exactly the same as C above! My new system is to tackle TWO domestic chores/life appointments as soon as I get in the door after work. So I’ll put on/hang out a load of laundry AND do some washing up, or I’ll hoover the flat AND hang up the clothes lying strewn around my bedroom. Only once I’ve done that do I start to make dinner – I find the foodie incentive a real winner
I also use the occasional lunch hour to make phone calls, plan diary dates, catch up on emails etc but I do prefer to keep that time free for more relaxing things. It works though: if I know I only have an hour to get sh*t done, it’s like that timer thing you were talking about – my mind focuses and I’m much more productive.
Above all else, I rarely switch the TV on in the evenings, unless I’m doing something that won’t be affected by having some chattering in the background. I find TV to be the biggest time and motivation sucker there is!11 weeks ago
Ginger: This is such a challenging topic for all of us. My new year’s resolution is to “Timeblock.” I don’t want to rehash everything I said, but I did a recent post on just this very thing (http://sweeticedtea.wordpress.com/2012/01/17/tuesday-tip-values-timeblocking/)…
Hours in the day never seem to reflect what I claim to value. Something about having a half-hour devoted to cleaning on my schedule makes me a little more likely to do it.
I always hate that I get so behind reading my favorite blogs, but it’s part of being more deliberate, and when I do get the chance to sit down and read great thoughts such as this, I enjoy it more, rather than checking them off my Google Reader and breezing through 1000…
I’ve enjoyed reading all the comments from such smart ladies. As always, thanks, Sarah, for helping us think through these issues that make our lives a little better!7 weeks ago