Giveaway: And I Shall Have Some Peace There
Last week we spoke briefly about women who are generous with their wisdom and knowledge. If there is someone who has given freely to me with her advice, her guidance and her support, it’s Margaret Roach. We met over turkey sandwiches at a long board room table. I was too shy to even say hello, opting instead (bizarrely) to send an email after lunch. And since then, I have been deeply in awe of her: her elegant, soulful writing, her boundless energy, her fearlessness to strike out, to leap, to learn something new. Like the woman herself, Margaret’s new memoir, And I Shall Have Some Peace There, is inspiring, but it’s the sort of encouragement of a close friend. This is not an bulletin-pointed instructive how-to of living your dream life. It’s the deliciously intimate story of a woman who feels like a pal through the pages, never too serious to miss a joke and never too silly to see the signs. If you can be proud of someone who is a mentor of sorts, then with Margaret’s book I am very much that. Details for the giveaway are at the end of the Q&A.
What most inspires you to create, to write, to live well?
Certainly the primary inspiration for all aspects of my life has been, and is, nature and the natural world:
How the solitary spider, ever busy but reclusive, goes quietly about its creative business of weaving a web.
How the light on the landscape is distinct in color and angle or attitude in each season and time of day. Attention! Attention! How the intricate detail of even a single seed, bud, insect, feather commands you to be still, look, gather yourself to really grasp it (even though it’s too big to ever grasp).
I sometimes think that everything I have learned, I have learned from plants, birds, the weather: powerlessness and some degree of humility, the inevitable cycles of change (why fight?); and where I fit in.
Meaning: Nature provides a spiritual explanation that I can live with and be guided by; it makes sense of things for me.
What’s some of the best advice you’ve ever gotten?
“Busy hands are happy hands” (my Grandma Marion, who also taught me meringue technique and a love of zinnias by age 9).
“Learn something new every day” (from Martha, her motto. It’s corollary to my sister Marion’s exhortation to find a “full-funded curiosity” if you can in life—some way to have your work and your passion converge and reward you on every level.
“Never stop wanting more plants” (from Marco Polo Stufano, my garden mentor and friend, retired founding director of horticulture, Wave Hill, the world-class garden in NYC).
“There is a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in” (from Leonard Cohen, in “The Anthem,” adapted from Buddhist thinking).
That “code is poetry” (from Matt Mullenweg, founder of WordPress. I love poetry, so if not for those seductive words about lines of PHP and CSS and MySQL and HTML, which I cannot read, I might have chosen another blogging platform, and made my rural, remote life so much harder).
You took a big, flying leap in your life–how do you steel yourself to go for it in the face of fear (in small everyday ways, and in big life change ways)?
All my life, I have use words on paper to bear witness to what’s up with me and set and refine goals. Not necessarily journals—I have only kept journals for a year here and there—but notes to self.
I kept a list called “Tolerances” on my city kitchen bulletin board for many years—as in “how much of what can you tolerate?” (And when is it enough?)
I likewise kept a list of fears, and when I saw how long it was, it scared me. (Tee hee.) It was time to get a grip!
I also have reached out at various times to my ex-therapist, to listen while I talked through the ideas that were coming to the surface, ideas about possible big change.
Whether in gardening or growing up, never be afraid or embarrassed to ask for help. Again, as with the pin-up notes: the talking with him was another form of bearing witness, getting it out of my head into a somewhat more concrete dimension.
These days I scribble on a set of whiteboards of different sizes, still talk to the shrink periodically, and have the view out the window to calm me and remind me I didn’t take a wrong turn.
You accomplished the big thing you wanted to do–live a life on your own terms. What do you still want to do (big things, little things?)
Make something increasingly delicious (to me) out of the ingredients of the “new” life I have started:
Write a few books about things I care about;
Fearlessly renovate my aging garden so that we grow old gracefully together (and don’t just fall apart or topple over from neglect);
Mentor again in some way (the one aspect of my former career I miss is having younger staff to teach, and learn from);
Never eat standing up as if I have something better to do or somewhere more important to be than here, nourishing myself.
Random, but somehow related to the spirit (heh) of your book: Do you believe in ghosts?
I believe in spirits, to be sure, but not in ghosts. In the acknowledgments at the end of “And I Shall Have Some Peace There,” I thank various animal spirits (the snake, frog, fox, bird, cat, weasel…) who have turned out to be tour guides and inspirations.
I believe that the dead are with us but not as ghosts manifested in a swirl or blur or light. I suppose my belief about this centers more on the impression and imprint they have left behind in us (as us?) than some ongoing visitations.
However, that being said: I do almost daily ask Jack the Demon Cat, the accidental companion on my latest journey here who first showed up the morning of September 11, 2001, when I arrived in a hurry from New York City:
“Who are you, Jack? Who are you?”
He simply must be someone sent from who knows where.
Enter to win a copy of Margaret’s book by leaving a comment by midnight EST, Friday, February 25 about an act of bravery in your life, whether of the quiet, everyday sort, or the leaping-tall-buildings-in-a-single-bound variety. One winner will be chosen at random.
Update: And the winner is Jackie of Devour This! Thank you to everyone who entered. I think I speak for all us when I say what a brave, inspiring bunch!
Lindsay: I left the career that I had invested so much time and energy in to go back to school and become something that made me happy. I am still in school and still very, very happy.1 year ago
Ells: Well, I fell in love with a southern boy and moved from Oregon, my home of 30 years, all the way to Aynor, South Carolina (pop. 654), just outside of where he is getting his master’s degree. I’d never been to South Carolina until a month before I moved there.
It’s been three months. I’m coping, and learning a lot about myself. But he’s (or WE are, anyway) worth it. Plus, holy adventuretown, batgirl. The south is crazy, y’all.1 year ago
Chrissy: Although this may sound waay over-protective of sorts, I feel brave for sending my 3 little ones off into the world without knowing what they will be doing, who they will be talking to or how others will be affecting them every day.1 year ago
Adrienne: Like Lindsay, I left a job I didn’t like last summer and started school again. I’m halfway through culinary school now, working for a catering company and as a TA at school. I don’t have to sit at a desk all day and I have never been happier. I was terrified but it was so, so worth it!1 year ago
Erica: I took a job in Italy against the advice of my parents and professional mentor. I have been scared and doubting at times but never regretful.1 year ago
Caiti: One act of bravery was when I left a job that was making me miserable and sick from the stress even though I didn’t have a plan in place. It was a huge deal for me to put my own well-being first. And everything worked out just fine.1 year ago
Alexandra J: After spending a year apart from my boyfriend, I took a leap by accepting an internship in Brussels. Boyfriend (now husband) was waiting for me when I returned home, and I had an amazing summer of memories– drinking kriek beer in courtyard cafes, taking the train to the beach, and meeting people who are still friends.1 year ago
Casey: Way back when… I took a year off between high school and college and moved from my little hometown of 900 people to Jackson Hole to be a ski bum. I drove from VT to WY by myself without a cell phone or a credit card, rented an apartment, got two jobs, and even made some great friends. I’m still not sure why my parents or even I thought it was a good idea, but it worked out!1 year ago
Tricia A: I left behind my “dream job” (at the time) and became a stay-at-home mom.1 year ago
Anne: My act of bravery is in process – I am about to quit a day job in order to have work that I love and am happy to do every day. I hope to be working at a bakery in a couple months.
This book looks great and I will check it out!1 year ago
Marlene: I have a fear of heights, but I really wanted my new chicken coop to have a green roof. So after my husband and son built the coop and filled the planting area with the rooftop growing media, I climbed up there and spent a couple of hours getting everything planted. And I was very, very focused on not looking down!
The roof looks great and I’m so glad I made myself do it.1 year ago
Jackie: Buying my apartment was by far the bravest thing I ever did on my own. I only ever lived with my parents before and buying something so large at the age of 26 was a very adult-like thing to do.1 year ago
Ellen: @Chrissy…not overprotective, normal motherly fears! It never changes either….whether it’s kindergarden, college, new career, or new relationship….being a parent requires bravery. You have to let them go and it is scary!
I personally, other than the parenting, am still trying to figure out a way to do what I want……maybe reading Margaret’s book with give me the inspiration and bravery I need.1 year ago
Andrea: At the time I didn’t think it was very brave, but after almost two years of living abroad, I have realized how hard it is to give up one life for the promise of another…
I left my friends, family, apartment and life to move to France in August 2009. I justified the move because I was going to graduate school, but really it was just something that I had always wanted to do. The romantic idea of France had beckoned to me from a young age and something inside of me had always been seduced by the thought of losing myself in a culture not my own.
Even though many friends have told me that they envy me, Paris has definitely been more than La Vie en Rose (although it has been that, too!)
I deal with homesickness, struggles with expressing my personality in a foreign language, and a culture where customer service is non-existent and “C’est pas possible, mademoiselle” can seem like a daily mantra.
Through all of that, I have discovered a resilient, funny, and tenacious person inside of me that I never really knew before. Living abroad is not for everyone, but I think that leaving everything you know for something entirely uncertain, and carving out a life for yourself with little to no help, can be called brave. I’m proud of that.1 year ago
Annie W: My biggest act of bravery so far was packing up after high school graduation and moving from the Midwest to go to college in upstate New York. I’m a painfully shy person, and it was a huge leap of faith for me to trust I could make friends and find happiness in a completely strange place.
I’ve thankful every day that I did it too. I made so many wonderful friends, and I met the love of my life there as well.
1 year ago
Hilary: I still haven’t decided if it’s brave or crazy to believe that I can forge a career–a life–as a performing artist (maybe bravery has to contain an element of crazy). In any case, whether it’s courageous or just plain reckless, I am doing this “singing for my supper” thing without the safety net of a table-waiting job or “something to fall back on.” While the uncertainty can be terrifying at times, I am far more frightened of spending my life working at something that doesn’t resonate with my spirit, then later regretting that I never took this leap of faith.
*As an aside, I have never subscribed to the theory that having a back-up plan is a good thing when it comes to our careers. After all, if we spend our time and energy crafting a Plan B, our Plan A (i.e. our BIG hopes and dreams) will forever languish on the back burner.1 year ago
Benjamin: I finally asked my mom about my grandfather, and how she was raised, discovering so much “bad” but along the way the conversation allowed much “good” and helped me understand who I am so much more. I was terrified to talk to her about my family, and thngs I suspected but wasn’t sure I wanted to know. I ended up writing a book about it.1 year ago
Amy: This book sounds lovely!
I think the bravest thing I’ve done recently was to try a job outside of education, and then quit that job in favor of returning to the classroom. Both moves were scary. Both yielded a lot of learning and growth.
Great interview, btw!1 year ago
Kit: Moving to the midwest from a beach community in California, struggling with wanting to return but staying with it and finding both the love of my life and work that I love and could never have afforded to do had I stayed in California…teaching yoga and meditation.1 year ago
Rose: Well, I didn’t leave my job, or anything so huge. But what I did do took every scrap of faith and trust I possess. I have been married and divorced twice and decided that I was happier being alone and not inertested in relationships. I had my children and friends and that was enough for me. I met someone who became a friend. He convinced me to give love a chance one more time. I did not believe it would last and always held back a part of myself. It has been almost 7 years now and while I still have periods of being terrified, we are together and planning on a beautiful life together.1 year ago
amanda: I think the bravest thing I do, every day, is commit to a marriage that is so much harder than I ever imagined. Not hard/bad, but hard because I am a restless, impatient, difficult sort. Commitment is hard, but the good sort.1 year ago
art and lemons: The day I actually called myself a writer and knew that it was true.1 year ago
Katie: I moved to the biggest, scariest city I’d ever seen for someone I thought I loved. Turns out I didn’t, so I learned to love New York instead.1 year ago
Designing Diva: Moving to London after college, knowing not a soul there.
It was exhilarating to find that I was not homesick (after having experienced major feelings of homesickness during college – and that college was not so very far away from my home!) and adapted to a different country quickly.
My experiences abroad have totally enriched my life and I continue to travel to Europe every year with my husband, who is a late-bloomer when it comes to travel, but thankfully he loves it now! We always enjoy soaking up different cultures – it adds so much to life to see the world!
Those who don’t travel…well, let’s just say I feel they haven’t fully lived!1 year ago
Anna: My husband and I recently took a giant leap of faith. He was working 60-70+ hour weeks at job that involved a lot of travel, wasn’t fulfilling him and left little time for our marriage. We sure had some nice things but what’s all that worth when you don’t have time to invest in each other? We talked and decided that he should leave his job and pursue his education and hopefully, we could find each other again along the way.
Aside from having to become content with less (which isn’t as hard as I expected!), it has been amazing. We both feel as though we are doing what we should be doing and are both loving the path we are setting for ourselves. We have time to enjoy each other’s company and renew a marriage that wasn’t working for either of us. It’s a pretty incredible feeling to take your life into your own hands rather than letting the universe (hopefully) figure it out for you.1 year ago
Katie: Like Andrea, I moved across the pond (to Oxford, in my case) ostensibly to go to graduate school, but really because I’d always wanted to live abroad. I had a beautiful, messy year full of yearning and traveling and making new friends – and yes, loneliness. Then I came back and married the man who’d been waiting for me – another leap of faith. Our latest adventure has brought us to Boston – and despite the challenges, I’m glad we came.1 year ago
Deena: Last year, as the funding for my previous job dried up, I decided it was time to move away from the state where I’d grown up. I moved to Washington, DC without a job lined up and managed to find a great job (within walking distance) within 3 months. It was scary, but I’m very lucky.1 year ago
Lauren: I did not go to grad school based solely on a gut feeling that I wasn’t meant to go straight out of undergrad. It took a lot of bravery to admit this to myself because I knew that in addition to dealing with my own anxieites, I would have to expain ad naseum how it just didn’t feel right and that no, I did not have a back up plan.
Two months after graduation, I got an awesome job; three years later, it continues to be awesome. It’s very interesting how many others have had brave moments surrounding work and career.1 year ago
Gina @cakeandcordial: Most recently bravery was thrust upon me and my boyfriend in October, when our daughter decided she wanted to be born 3 and a half months early. I am not sure how we made it through when I look back at it all. Seeing pictures of her when she was only one pound makes my heart stop now, but during the moment we just sat next to her, stroked her little hand and told her we loved her and we were going to do so much fun stuff together when she got bigger and stronger. It took every ounce of our emotional strength to keep functioning through the uncertainties and the sometimes scarier certainties.
Happily, now she is snoozing next to me, finally at home and behaving as a one month old baby should (her corrected age, as she was due in mid-January). She has changed my outlook on life, and has made me a new version of myself.
One other important thing to note, is that as brave as J. and I had to be, she is even braver and stronger than both of us. So stubborn and determined to make it against all odds. Children are amazing, inspiring and make better people out of their parents!1 year ago
Lindsey: After losing my teaching position due to budget cuts I booked a one way flight to Italy, packed my bags and was off. I taught English to Italian 4 year olds, met great people, and realized the joy of living abroad.
I found myself back in the states 4 months later, with a fabulous teaching gig that fell in my lap, and dating the man I would later marry! Those things would not have occurred if I had not taken the inital leap!1 year ago
Maureen: When I turned 30, I moved to Alaska. The place has fascinated me since I used to watch Iditarod coverage back in the 1970′s on Wide World of Sports. Didn’t know anyone, didn’t have a job, total leap of faith. It is funny, looking back-I wasn’t even nervous about it, I figured everything would turn out fine. Now, 20 years later, I can say it is probably the bravest thing I ever did, but at the time, it just seemed like something fun to do.1 year ago
Jen: Sounds like a great read and I’d love to win it !
I think the bravest thing I’ve done would have to be becoming a stepmom. I didn’t know it was brave at the time, I’m sure, but it’s been an education. The way I see it being a step is no easier than being a regular parent and comes with its own set of challenges. All parenting takes that leap of faith, touch of crazy type of courage if you ask me but it’s well worth the effort.1 year ago
Cadi: I walked out on a job that was making me physically ill with all of the stress and fear-mongering that they did to run the place. I walked out on them one morning and quit the next – with nary a second thought or any kind of plan in place It was so completely and totally out of character for me, but it’s amazing the gumption one can muster when you make the decision that enough is truly enough.
I want to find a way to tap into that energy, that FORCE, without having to be beaten, battered and bruised into fighting back.1 year ago
Anne: I quit my job and moved to a new city to write a book. The love that took me to SF didn’t last, but I have a book coming out next month about the food writer M.F.K. Fisher. You can check it out here: http://www.writtenbyaz.com
This book looks beautiful btw, can’t wait to have it for my own, one way or another.1 year ago
Bookish Bella: Quitting a job I once thought I would stay in forever and going back to school for yet another Master’s degree. I’m in the midst of the program now and feel like I definitely did the right thing, but it was an incredibly scary step.
Like Cadi, the stress of my old job was making me sick. I thought there was a physical cause for my problems, but the second I quit the job, I was healthy again.1 year ago
jj: Deciding to leave the working world and grad school in order to give care to my mom who was diagnosed with terminal cancer was simultaneously the bravest, easiest, and most rewarding decision I have ever made. Our time together before she passed are the most precious moments of my life … and my prioritizing the important things (my mom), I found that it really wasn’t difficult for everything else to fall back into line when the time was right. All has now turned out well with finishing school (much later than planned) and getting back into the swing of work (though I missed out on much moolah in the off-time), and even with moving down to Central America to start a new life with my loved one. Huge changes, but huge growth as well.1 year ago
Megan Rich: I walked up to man I would marry, asked him on a very explicit date (despite the ease of casualness), and told him straight-out, from the beginning, how I felt. I scared the hell out of him probably, to some degree, but the fact that he wasn’t scared so much to walk away from it helped me know I was right. Been together for seven blissful years now.
1 year ago
Carole H.: Last week I said goodbye to my cat/best friend of 16 years. It was the most difficult thing I have ever done. The aspect that required bravery was doing this alone. Her illness came on suddenly and I didn’t have any time to get a friend to come with me to the vet. I made the decision to let her go by myself. I know it was the right thing to do but in the moment, I was sick (also), tired and hyper stressed and I had to trust my gut.
I don’t know what the outcome of this decision making experience will be but I know that saying goodbye and mourning her loss have been extremely painful and I have grown to appreciate her with every passing day. What a gift to have spent 16 years with Harriet!1 year ago
Linda Wagner - Nutrition to Invigorate Mind, Body & Spirit: Wow, I love this post!!
My most recent act of bravery is that I quit my secure & high-paying job to pursue my passion. Although it seemed like an absolutely crazy decision, I knew I had to go for it! I have taken the leap and started my own Nutrition and Life Coaching practice.
It has been, and continues to be, one of the biggest learning experiences of my life. It has totally shifted my perception of myself, my family relationships, and my partnership as well. This may sound strange but it’s like I’m REAL now. I’m meeting Linda for the first time. I’m figuring out all of her quirks, her courage, passion, dedication, stamina, and capacity for love.
It has been an incredible journey. I feel free. I am able to strongly and confidently say NO when I need to and also YES! and am learning how to really and truly take control of my destiny. I have no idea what the future holds but I know I had to do this. Now the biggest challenge is staying open and allowing inspiration to flow through me.
xo1 year ago
Debra: great interview.. she sounds a little like annie dillard..1 year ago
elaine: I left my family at the age of 23. Boarded a plane and flew over 2,000 miles to a place where I didn’t know a soul. Rented a car, found an apartment and a week later found a job. I was told that I wouldn’t be able to find a place or a job so quickly, but I was fearless. I’m not sure I could be that brave now.
This is such a great interview with Margaret. I am patiently waiting for my copy of her book to arrive – well, almost patiently.1 year ago
~~Melissa: I accidentally changed my entire life after vowing never to wear pantihose again. It changes everything. Seriously. It’s the same as saying no to The Man.1 year ago
Sheree: I’m almost 40 years old. I have three kids and have been married for 16 years. Two years ago, when our son was 1 year old, I decided to take on the role of being the sole provider of our family and asked my husband to be a stay-at-home dad, which he happily obliged. That was a scary step for him too, as he has NEVER not worked.
After a year of being the sole provider, I decided to go to lawschool. Having a baby in my mid 30s, choosing to be the sole provider of our family and enrolling in lawschool has forced me to step outside of my comfort zone on so many levels.
I would do it all again.1 year ago
SarahK: my act of bravery was a return to graduate school in 2003. i didn’t feel brave at the time, i felt like i was biding my time and looking for a social studies teaching job (that i KNEW i didn’t want). i fell in love with history and a man in my program. we moved in together, had a baby and got married. i’m glad i made the jump to graduate school, i would not have the wonderful life and job that supports my family if i didn’t make that move.1 year ago
Suzy: Last year I went away for four days by myself, driving myself a great distance, too. Two fears I’d wanted to conquer and did! I know have greater confidence.1 year ago
Shanna: I dropped out of law school to become a teacher for those with special needs. I will make less but ultimately feel so much more fulfilled.1 year ago
Shannon: Being a single mom, I didnt expect to end up here but my husband left us and each day brings new challenges that I face head on. I love my little girl and would do anything for her to keep her safe and happy.1 year ago
Nancy Schaub: Bravery – how best to comment about that. Bravery is the face of my beautiful best friend, as she faces widowhood after almost 40 beautiful years with her Thom. Bravery is my beloved daughter asking me if she should pack up everything and move to MN with her new husband because of job opportunities for each of them, and then, that she actually valued my opinion. Bravery was my beloved mother as she faced terminal, inoperable lung cancer aftter surviving a near fatal car accident 10 years before and losing a lung to TB 20 years before. Bravery was me, keeping a happy face so she did not know how devastated I was to know I was losing her, after so many miraculous recoveries. God needed her more than I did, I guess. Bravery was having the courage and strength to put down two rescue dogs in the last 10 years, dogs who were my friends and my companions, one because of cancer, one because of paralysis and excruciating pain. Bravery is my grade school friend and her new diagnosis of color cancer, and my high school friend, a physician, whose husband was just diagnosed with a brain tumor. And finally, bravery was my oldest son, when he was 4, and got between his father and me, when his father sought once more to verbally abuse me, and my son wasn’t having it.1 year ago
jackie: I believe one of my greatest acts of bravery is to trust my body, heart, and mind and opt to have a home birth. I’m only 22 weeks pregnant so I still have some time left, but I do believe this is the best choice for me.1 year ago
Tania Tyler | Whole Living Today: About 13 years ago I gave up a very successful yet stressful computer consulting career. One day I realized I still had a spark of my spirit within and I was so scared to lose what remained. I quit that day. Since then I created a successful natural products business and am now a Reiki Master Teacher empowering others to live their dreams.1 year ago
julia: In college, I planned to study for a semester in Ireland. At the last minute, I shifted gears and seized an opportunity to try a new-to-my-school program in Cape Town. Some of my best friends and sunniest and most challenging memories are from that six month period. It didn’t feel that “brave” at the time, and it still doesn’t – it feels like this full, good-to-the-last-drop thing. But I hope it counts.
(Speaking of good-to-the-last-drop things, I think I go to the same yoga studio as you! If it’s B&B, I highly recommend the Monday night Slow Flow class if you haven’t tried it.)1 year ago
Laima: When given a choice between the known (a marketing jobin Indiana) and the unknown (teach English somewhere in Japan) …. despite not knowing any Japanese or anyone else on the program, I chose to move to northern Japan for a year to teach English. This turned out to be one of the best experiences of my 20′s.1 year ago
Rachel: Just this week, a dear friend and I “kicked through a door” in an intense conversation. We acknowledged our considerably different points of view about politics, spirituality and culture — she just moved to my native southwest Kansas from Boston; I’m a pastor’s daughter, while she was raised free of religion; she cares about Global Warming, the reality of which I deeply doubt.
But we love each other.
And the dialogue we continue to create in our relationship — and the relationship itself, as it extends to our spouses and children — is so incredibly nourishing and challenging, and full of growth and delight, is worth a few splintered doors and sore spots.
I’m delighted at the courage we showed individually and as women friends.1 year ago
Monica the Garden Faerie: I’m single and rely on my own income. I quit a corporate job 2 years ago as a mini retirement (the real one won’t ever exist, I’m afraid) and have been surviving, mostly on money I saved. It was a huge leap of faith (http://gardenfaerie.blogspot.com/2009/02/today-i-leapt_13.html) that I dreaded and then, once I did it, I wished I’d done it sooner.1 year ago
Kate: I was sexually assaulted by a close male friend not so long ago. The resulting fall-out left me with devastating post-traumatic stress disorder and a severe depression. I tried to alienate the pain, and in so doing isolated myself from my friends and family and, ultimately, my own life.
My greatest acts of “bravery” have been small ones wrapped into a more encompassing dream of taking my life back. Some of them are of the quiet, heartfelt-only variety, and some of them are more of the heroic, at least in terms of the sexual violence community. All of them were necessary for my soul’s survival.
I have had the courage to admit I need help and seek out counseling, to confide in friends, and to learn to take better care of myself (thank you Sarah for all your encouragement and validation in this area!). I have dared to LOVE myself, especially my broken spirit and vulnerable female body (a budding yoga practice has, for me, been a life-saver). I have said NO to external pressure to finish school on time and have taken a leave of absence to focus on myself (I’m a medical student, and the pressure to do things “right” is tremendous both from the administration and my own family). I firmly believe that my mental and emotional health are more important, even more so than my education and future career. I have empowered myself to confront my assailant for his treacherous acts and cruel and abusive language. Most recently, and most valiantly, I have found peace and courage enough to pursue and fall in love with a patient and compassionate man, despite all cognitive evidence that my trust will be betrayed once more.
The struggle is not over; some days are worse than others. But on the good days, I see the value in my own vibrant life and beautiful spirit.1 year ago