What’s Working?
In yoga, teachers will often ask you to set an intention for the class, or they’ll gently provide one, often in the form of a theme to consider. What they don’t say is, “What’s your resolution for this class? Are you finally going to beat handstands at their own game?”
It’s the time of year for resolutions, only so often their focus is on what isn’t working: the habits we want to break, the junk drawer we want to surmount, the unfulfilling job we want to escape. In our effort to be “better,” we have to improve something that’s, well, not good. Our focus is on the negative. There’s this terrible thing about our lives or ourselves that we will finally triumph over! And it will happen in 2011!
“Resolve” sounds gutsy, fierce, and strong––all good words. But I worry that in our rush to resolve this or that, we are trying so hard to “fix” things that we bring all our attention to negative spots in our lives. It’s like something I read in a book about child rearing once: when a kid is doing something you don’t want them to do, it’s harder for them to grasp, “Don’t do that.” It’s like sitting in meditation and thinking, “Don’t think.” That’s exactly when the thoughts arise, because your mind has to invert that direction in order to find out what it should do. Instead of instructing with a negative, the book suggested, instruct with a positive, saying something like, “Use the fork like a forklift to get the peas in your mouth!” to get them to stop poking themselves with it in the eye. (Note: I’m not a parent, so I don’t know anything about anything.)
But I do know that when we focus our attention on what’s not working in our lives, it can swell up like a blister. What you resist persists.
And what about what you embrace? Could it swell, too, and fill up the crevices of your life? Could it push out what’s not working, minimize it so much until its role becomes so tiny that it finally atrophies and falls away?
That seems entirely possible to me. Bringing more attention to what is working seems an awfully nice way to increase the good in our lives. What’s working for me? Checking in with how I really feel about things, like my relationships or the pile of clothes on the bathroom floor, and acting from that honest place of awareness, for better (hopefully) or for worse (well, that happens, too). Reading in bed instead of surfing the internet. Going to my favorite yoga class. Nurturing the sense of community in my life. Jumping at every chance that comes along to do something physical outside, whether that means dancing in a driveway or snowshoeing across a field. All of that is working for me, and I want to embrace them even more so this year, till they swell and take over. What’s working for you?
Photo: erix!
Sarah: I like this idea of putting a positive rather than negative spin on resolutions. For me, the idea of a resolution sets me up for failure. So this year, I am setting do-able, positively-spinned monthly goals. And I am keeping one word in mind – flex. As in a flexible mind, body, and spirit.1 year ago
We all could use more “flex”! I especially can be hard-nosed and rigid about things, so that’s a great reminder for me, Sarah.1 year ago
Jen: I could feel this happening to me this year – the push and pull of visualizing improvement (nice!) vs. finding faults to get there (not so nice!). Thank you (again!) for putting this together so well and simply. Hurray!1 year ago
Jane: This reminds me of positive deviance, an practice that was developed in humanitarian field work to find the bright spots and replicate them rather than focus on the negative. Way to bring this practice to our everyday lives! I would like to keep good open communications with my fiance and also keep building a positive network of people outside of him.1 year ago
Amy --- Just A Titch: I’m trying to be better about giving myself a mental pep talk, i.e. “You’re going to feel so much better after spin class!” rather than, “You’re so fat, you need to workout.” I think it helps! Great post!1 year ago
Jen, Yay! Hope it helps you spread out the bright spots in your life without finding faults there, too.
Jane, Wow, I’ve never heard of positive deviance––what a radical idea in a way. Here’s to replicating!
Amy, That’s something I’m working on too, changing the inner chat. It’s a work in progress.
1 year ago
Ann: I love this idea, Sarah. I’ve been dragging my feet this year to come up with new goals and resolutions, and I think part if it is that I want to embrace what’s been going so right already without having to think of reform AGAIN. Every new year we act as if it’s a refresh button to your life but what if you already like the path you were on last year and you aren’t finished with it yet?1 year ago
Yes and yes and YES! That’s how I feel, too, Ann.1 year ago
erinsuzanne: love your blog (in general) and this post (specifically). instead of resolutions this year, i went with a word or theme. I picked “delight” for 2011, as 2010 was full of major life changes that were outside of my control…this year, whatever happens, i want to notice the things that bring me (and others!) delight. because life changes are going to happen no matter what, and i want to focus on the things large and small that make me fill up with happiness. not so much reforming as reframing!1 year ago
Chrissy: I just stumbled across your blog this evening when googling yoga mat carriers and found so much more. After making my shopping list for a homemade yoga bag, I read the few latest post and am already so inspired. I’m a stay-at-home mom who hasn’t quite wrapped her head around what comes next now that all of my kiddos are in school- and although I now the internet does not hold all of life’s answers, your blog will definitely add something to my journey! Thanks!1 year ago
Lara: One of my co-workers said she made New Year’s “intentions.” I like that word so much better because it does evoke the yoga class style of thinking. And I have made mine very simple yet very hard: to be myself. Because that’s what works!1 year ago
Katie @ cakes, tea and dreams: I came up with dreams for this year instead of resolutions – gentle nudges instead of pushing myself so hard. And while my word for last year was “brave,” and its work in my life isn’t done, my word for this year is “comfort.” So far, it’s serving me well in many forms.
What’s working for me: cozy clothes, writing time with tea and a lit candle, taking breaks, getting outside, and cooking healthy lunches when I’m at home alone.
Love this post, Sarah.1 year ago
leili learning life: I love this! Asking myself, “what’s working?” is a nice way to remind myself why I’m trying to change my habits, even when I slip up.
So what’s working for me?
- Legs-up-the-wall
- Giving my feet a little oil rub before bed
- Avoiding gluten
- Going with my gut rather than over-thinking so much — erinsuzanne mentioned her word for 2011; mine is “possibility”
Thanks for this post! I have a feeling I’ll be revisiting it when my “resolve” tries to take over.1 year ago
Bethany: About the clothes on the bathroom floor…today I’ve been so productive that the laundry is actually manageable, I’m having some time by myself, and finally reading with a voracity that I haven’t had time to do in years. It looks like a good start to the New Year, without a lot of stress from resolutions that are written in stone. Thanks for this entry, Sarah, it put things into perspective for me.1 year ago
Charlotte: I really love this post. I wrote something similar but less eloquent about my own resolution earlier this week:
http://blueskiesblog.blogspot.com/2011/01/declaration-of-more.html
Blue Skies
Charlotte xo1 year ago
Anne: Starting a new year by taking stock is so much more productive than beating yourself up about what you haven’t done/ should do. You inspired me!
http://poeticappetite.blogspot.com/2011/01/2011-thousands-of-futures.html1 year ago
Lindsay B: Cheers to this idea. What’s working for me (finally!) I feel, is work. Last year, I took a big leap and ended up in my dream job- and this year, as luck and the stars would have it, an intention started kind of forming for me. In the same week, a young graduate whom I don’t know emailed me asking for job advice, and I was asked to help mentor a group of interns at work. I thought that coincidence shouldn’t go without acknowledgement, so this year, I’m aiming to give back a bit of the luck and help I’ve gotten in my career to those just starting out in theirs. Happy 2011
1 year ago
Brandy: “But I do know that when we focus our attention on what’s not working in our lives, it can swell up like a blister. What you resist persists.”
This is so especially true, and something I’ve been working against currently. It reminds me of a statement I recently heard when it come to confronting the phases in our lives that we may not be so delighted about but yet need to accept as reality as we move to better places: “Accepting your current reality doesn’t mean that you approve of it”. Meaning to me, that we have the opportunity to either sulk in our “disapproval” of a situation, i.e. feel down or worst case scenario, depression, or confront it as reality and know that in our acceptance, we are not giving up on a better future and giving up on our efforts to pursue a better future, but are merely taking control of the situation verses letting our images of “what should be” control our reality as it is today.1 year ago