Surrendering to (Im)Balance
Last week I lost my footing. It would be strange, I reasoned, to start a new job and not feel overwhelmed. I was learning something new, and moving at a snail’s pace. It took 110% of my focus to make sure I was getting all the details squared away, and I ended the day with knowledge of a new world of acronyms and shoulders in hard knots. It is just the learning curve, I told myself. In six months I’ll look back on this, my friend said, and wonder what I was so worked up about.
Still, it threw my life out of whack––as it should––and I’ve been thinking since then about how to set it right, especially during these early days of required laser focus, attention and intensity. The article from Zen Habits about work-life balance came at just the right moment, but so did a really interesting tarot reading.
One of the reasons I love the tarot is the same reason I’m so drawn to art, literature, and the work of Joseph Campbell: meaning is everywhere, but the the interpretive process can be especially rich when you’re working within a framework of juicy themes. Each tarot card has a fixed meaning, but we also bring to it our own interpretation based on the details of lives, our knowledge of ourselves, and the way it relates to other cards in a reading.
Over the weekend, I was thinking about the Hanged Man. This card seems scary in name, but take a look at him: he’s not uncomfortable or in agony; he’s just chilling. He’s got his favorite red tights on. The Hanged Man is about the paradox of surrender. As Joan Bunning writes, “we ‘control’ by letting go, we ‘win’ by surrendering.” Or, put another way, “The Hanged Man is in a state of purposeful, complete surrender, yielding his mind and body to the Universal flow.”
The idea of “going with the flow” came up for me again at yoga yesterday (where a POP reader was my spotter––hey Gabrielle!). My first attempt at crow, a challenging pose for me, was a complete flop. And then our teacher did another demonstration. “Shift your center of gravity from your butt to your heart. Trust your heart.”
It might sound a little touchy-feely that trust in your heart would allow you to soar in this pose, but it was just the pep talk I needed. Our fear of past failures (“Crow is hard for me”) can keep us from trusting in the idea that we can succeed. I surrendered to the idea that my heart could lead the way, I trusted in that feeling, and then I did it. For, like, three seconds. But still: major triumph for me!
I love that idea of surrender: we try so hard to control every little factor of our lives with five year plans and daily schedules, when maybe there is a lesson to be learned in yielding to the flow. We still have to show up for work on time and keep a supply of toilet paper in the bathroom, but maybe a dose of letting go–accepting what is rather than willing a new way into being–could serve us. What would you surrender to today? What will you accept?
Sarah: Never before in my life have I learned to surrender than after having a baby. I used to be a control freak who liked everything just so. And I probably will always be a little like that. But after my baby arrived, I just could not control much of anything. Case in point – the other day my husband, baby, and I were supposed to go shopping and leave at a certain time. But a diaper explosion and an emergency bath pushed the entire day backwards. The old me would have freaked out and declared the day ruined. But new me laughed, initiated emergency bath, and just went on with the rest of the day. Surrendering requires so much less effort
1 year ago
Katie @ cakes, tea and dreams: Hmmm. Food for thought here. Going with the flow can definitely be tough, but rewarding.
Way to go on your crow pose success! It’s hard for me, too – but oh, what a feeling to fly for a few brief seconds.1 year ago
Amy C: Oh, girl. You are opening up a whole subject that is my specialty. Myth, interpretation, archetypes, Joseph Campbell – I do a lot of Jungian analysis with my clients. Good stuff.
In any case, surrender. Hm. I surrendered to my innermost needs this morning. The moment my eyes opened, instead of going through my checklist of Things That Must Be Done., I asked myself “what would be the most nurturing thing for me right now?” And so I went and made myself some hot tea and a spinach omelette. It was heaven. Then I did some yoga, took a hot shower, and snuggled with my dogs. Now I am ready to accomplish everything I had planned today, but with a much better attitude.1 year ago
Sarah, Oh yeah. Babies have got to be the ULTIMATE test of surrendering and being in the moment. How amazing that the “new” you could just laugh and got on with it.
Katie, Going with the flow is so tough because it can feel somehow as if we’re being “lazy”! It goes against everything we know about working hard and exerting control over our lives. But yeah: crow was awesome. I high-fived my teacher after class.
AMY! You’re going to have to recommend some books to me. I love this stuff. As for me, I surrendered to my breath this morning, as corny as that sounds. Whenever I started to panic about work, I just tried to find my breath first and connect with that. It’s kind of hard to be in a tizzy about anything then.1 year ago
Laureen: Sarah – love this post. It sort of circles back to some of your recent posts about trusting that things will work out for the best. And it really illuminated something new for me: I never quite realized before that in order to trust you have to first surrender.
Is it just me or is this big, crazy-powerful stuff? The type of stuff that’s so powerful it’s super quiet… Keep it comin’!!!1 year ago
Lucy: Very nice ideas here. Surrendering has never been one of my strong points. Balance shifting does not automatically mean losing. It takes a long time to learn that.1 year ago
Sasha: I have to say that there must be something in the air, given that I watched “The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus” this weekend and a major part of the plot involves the Tarot Card of The Hanged Man, literally come to life as a character! A fascinating movie, and one I’ll have to see again to get all the symbolic meaning, but I agree that with starting a new job there usually has to be a surrender of something! When I started back in the office I realized I just couldn’t keep my apartment as neat and organized as I had before. I told my friends, “I’ve discovered one can either have a perfectly organized and clean apartment or one can have a job” and of course I’ll take the job! After adjusting to the new schedule I’ve managed to create some order again but yes, I surrendered to housework and accepted that if I ever really need a perfectly ordered/cleaned apartment and work full-time, I’ll have to get a maid!1 year ago
Laureen, Well, I think it’s big and powerful
, and I think I wrote about it in a semi-quiet way because I haven’t yet figured out all the details of it and what it means. But that’s half the fun. Its funny because it flies directly in the face of “The universe rewards action.” And I think you have to be highly attuned to your intuition and the situation to know which will suit the situation best: action or surrender.
Lucy, It’s never been one of my strong points, either. But there is something pretty freeing––ironically, I guess––about realizing the limits of our own powers. It’s like, “well, I can’t control that. Might as well have a cup of tea!”
Sasha, I so hear you on the clean apartment vs. job front. Mine is good dinner vs. job. Hopefully I will soon figure it out. Last night was a compromise of sorts with frozen veggies in a stirfry. Not terrific, but at least we didn’t order in! Baby steps…1 year ago