A Tradition of Giving
To people who are very actively involved in helping people who have less year round, the sudden holiday emphasis on reaching out to those in need is, I bet, obnoxious. I’m sorry to say I’m not one of the year-round do-gooders, and I’d wager that I’m not the only one who wishes she had a giving tradition that was a regular part of her life. But I’ve felt overwhelmed by the options. Sometimes, it’s hard to know who to help.
I assisted a yoga class at a middle school for autistic kids for awhile. I went through the application and background check to be a Girl Scout volunteer and then they never called me. (If it were appropriate to put a frowny face emoticon here, I would.) Should we sign up to help at a soup kitchen, become a Big Sister, drop in sporadically at a senior center, walk dogs at a shelter? What form of volunteering will best fit into our schedules and feel like the best use of our time and talents? The answer is probably that we should just do something, anything. But I think many of us are so eager to feel that we are making a difference––in a way that resonates with us with meaning––that we’re hesitant to just sign up for anything. If we’re going to make a commitment to something, we want it to be the right thing.
I’ve bopped from this to that, food pantries and animal shelters, but in the past year I realized the best way for me to give back would be continuing the biggest help I ever got. In those tender pre-adolescent and teenage years, there was a lot of tumult in my life, a lot of change, a lot of unpredictability. But there were also a lot of teachers and babysitters and one particularly awesome Big Sister along the way who taught me, without being cheesy or overt about it, that who I was was awesome, that I could be and do anything I imagined, that there was a wide world out there for me to adventure in.
I talked earlier about my word for 2011 being full. Articulate what you want, and man, it has a way of just flooding in. I’ve been working harder, writing more, cooking more, seeing my friends in ways that feels so good. All that is great, perfect even, but there’s one more thing that needs to fall into place for my sense of fullness in the new year: the right tradition of giving.
How do you guys give back in your lives, in ways both organized and unstructured? What has it brought into your life or changed about your perspective? And do any of you share that feeling of wanting to give, but not knowing what’s the best thing for you?
Photo: Longfellow quote letterpress card by Etsy seller letterary press
Amy --- Just A Titch: Gah, I struggle with this so much. I am a teacher, and so in some regards, as terrible as this sounds, I feel like I’m forever GIVING. On the other hand, getting a paycheck makes it not so.
I signed up to mentor earlier this year and went through a training and then just had a nightmare experience and stopped for my own well-being. I’d like to do something with the homeless but my time is limited…sigh. Doing good is so important and yet I seem to struggle with it.1 year ago
Amy, I think this is a common feeling, so I have complete empathy. I’ll just go ahead and make a very big generalization and say that women are often giving to others in unstructured, non-volunteering ways. So I think the feeling in our normal, everyday lives can very much be one of depletion––and who wants to give when their cup is already empty? It’s tricky, for sure. I’d love to find that right thing that is giving and manages to fill me back up.1 year ago
Kristina Strain: In some ways, I think very ordinary, day-to-day things can be enough. Being friendly to strangers. Being a good neighbor. Voting. Keeping the sidewalk shoveled. Recycling. These activities contribute to others’ well-being, and no money or organization or “system” is involved.1 year ago
Kristina, Yeah, I don’t know why I feel this pressure to give in a more systematic way. Because I definitely make an effort to be kind and helpful to strangers and all that. In a way, you almost affect more people giving every day in a casual way than if you give in a structured way to one group or organization.1 year ago
Katie @ cakes, tea and dreams: I’ve struggled with this, too – trying to find the right way to give, and trying not to be emptied by it. (Reading to kids at an elementary school and feeling frustrated that they weren’t paying attention, for example…not a great experience!)
I do sponsor a child at an orphanage in India, run by a stateside friend of mine – and I love hearing about the good things happening in the lives of “my” child and the others there. But it’s not a real investment of my time. So I’m searching, too, for some way to give back (and make some connections in my new community).1 year ago
Diane Carol: After my girls went and “grew up on me”
, and the grandkids didn’t “need grandma” because their friends became more important, I too struggled with this. Fortunately, I found an organization that does wonderful things in our community (and across the country) for Veterans, children with special needs, kids in general and other community type non-profits (the Elks). I am very involved, and it helped to fill a void. If I can’t do a particular volunteer event, no worries, there are others who make sure it happens…so being a part of a large organization gives me the opportunity to choose those things that I enjoy doing and it has given back to me in ways I cannot express. The Elks has been a tremendous blessing to me! The other thing I really enjoy about it is that it is a great cross section of folks, young/old and all from varying backgrounds!1 year ago
Jessica: I’m with Amy – I work in health, and as with teaching, it’s not a field you enter for the money. I’m constantly re-evaluating my career choice, wondering if I’ve headed down the right path. To be honest, I’m not convinced I have, although deep down I know that no matter how rubbish a day I’ve had, I can come home knowing that I give, and that my giving makes an almighty difference.
If you want to give but don’t know where to start, give blood. I don’t need to explain this one.
Without wanting to undervalue the importance of day-to-day niceties as Kristina outlines, I think the notion of considering them to be anything more than niceties is a white middle class cop out.1 year ago
Kishori: have you checked out Jumo yet? it’s being charitable in a financial way, but the idea behind it is to connect small organizations with the millions of people out there who want to give, but don’t know where to start. (One of the Facebook founders started it.) http://www.jumo.com/
I really like the group Right Rides: //www.rightrides.org/
I worked for a long time with Legal Outreach and its a great organization: http://legaloutreach.org/
And CookShop with the Food Pantry sounds up your alley – I trained for it but then ended up not having the time to actually do it! http://www.foodbanknyc.org/go/cookshop1 year ago
Katie, I love the idea of sponsoring a kid. But I hear you on looking for the right thing that’s an investment of time as well.
Diane Carol, How awesome that you found the organization that was a right fit for you! And how great that the Elks have a variety of ages of people involved. You probably meet people in your community you never would have otherwise.
Jessica, Giving blood is a great idea. But I think calling what Kristina was saying a cop-out seems a little strong. She did preface her comment by saying “in some ways.” I think she was just pointing out that that’s one of the ways of giving in an “unstructured” way, which I had asked about.
Kishori, These are great links, and Cookshop sounds awesome. Thanks so much for bringing it to my attention!1 year ago
Sara Rose: Giving in small but concentrated doses can be just as useful as giving constantly. Perhaps a clothing drive needs things that don’t fit but are in a decent shape, maybe a shelter needs old pillows to make beds for animals. Maybe your food pantry needs a few soups. Action is action. It doesn’t matter if its big or small, just that it’s there.
1 year ago
Jessica: Kristina – no malice intended. I’ll add consuming a hell of a lot less to the list of unstructured ideas then.1 year ago