Things I’ve Learned in the Recession (So Far)
image via josey4628
Money doesn’t buy happiness.
This may seem like a big duh, but it’s the kind of lesson worth learning again and again. There was a time when I had a big fancy job and access to free beauty products with French names. I met my friends for cocktails and thought smoked duck was a good weeknight meal. The basic make-up of my life didn’t change when I didn’t have money, but the accessories did. I entertained myself with the very cheapest drugstore beauty products. I met my friends for happy hour if I was feeling flush, but more likely invited them over for drinks on the cheap. Weeknight dinners were an exercise in 1,000 different ways to cook beans. And when it was time for a celebratory treat, Sebastian and I skipped the fancy dinners with champagne and walked to a cheap and insanely delicious Chinese restaurant. We would eat till we were stuffed with fried pork dumplings, scallion pancakes, and Peking duck. The check hovered around $20. We walked home, warm with jasmine tea, my hand tucked into his coat pocket, sometimes with flakes of snow falling, feeling as rich as Daddy Warbucks.
Used books are great, the library, even better.
There are a lot of silly little books I find myself wanting to read that promise, you know, how to make me happier than ever, how to organize my terminal clutter problem, how to be all hippie-freedom in my day-to-day life. I don’t really need to own these books (who wants this embarrassing evidence of their reading habits hanging around?), but they make perfect library check-outs. And when it comes to classics I know I’ll love, or book club books I want to mark-up with (what I think are) delightfully clever notes and shrewd observations, half.com was the best discovery of 2009.
Time is worth more than money.
This is something I always felt intrinsically about myself, but was nice to know for sure. I would rather be poor as a church mouse, drinking Chock Full o’ Nuts and supping on lentils and be the designer of my own days, than make a fat paycheck via a 2-hour daily commute.
Doing your own laundry isn’t such a drag.
This undoubtedly sounds ridiculous to most of you, but in New York, the price to drop off your laundry and have someone do it for you (masterfully folding your fitted sheets) isn’t that much more than doing it yourself. And to most full-time workers, the price is worth the time saved. But when I had to start doing my own laundry, I discovered that it wasn’t the hell-on-earth I thought it would be. I imagined myself looking as ’70s poor-chic as Barbara Hershey and Bette Midler playing gin in their headscarves in Beaches.
Cheap coffee does the trick.
Is it direct trade? No. Does it have that dark, muddy richness? No. But will life go on if I have to buy coffee in the can? Yes. And I might even find it pretty delicious. And when I’ve got a little change jingling around in my pocket, I’ll go back to the good stuff.
You can be penny-wise and pound-foolish.
The most striking example I can think of from the past year is when I was gung-ho about buying dried beans (what a savings!) but didn’t want to confront my then-accountant about a pretty costly mistake he made on my taxes. Cheap tricks here and there save money, but to save big bucks, look at the big expenditures: are you on the best cell phone plan for your usage, could you find a higher-yield savings account, are you getting charged $30 in late fees just because you forget to pay bills on time? That kind of thing.
Money is fluid.
To paraphrase Omar on The Wire, “Money doesn’t have owners; it only has spenders.” Money comes and goes. There will be times when I have more, times when I have less. But neither is a permanent state, and I find that strangely comforting.
Listen to Pandora.
Oh, the hours and hours of entertainment this has provided. And when I need more variety, I get nostalgic and listen to college radio.
You can always focus on what you don’t have. But why not focus on what you do?
I take pride in what I consider a certain knack for making something out of nothing. But, dang, sometimes a lady just wants to go out. One weeknight evening I wouldn’t stop complaining about how what I really wanted was to put on some lipstick and sit at a bar, my legs crossed, sipping an ice-cold martini in dim, warm light. I was, to put it delicately, whining. Husbands are good for a lot of things, but on this particularly night, mine won an award in perspective-change. He dug a bottle of wine out of the cabinet. He poured a glass. He reminded me of the roof overhead and the dinner on the stove. And he suggested we play Wii. We are all, in our own ways, surrounded by an embarrassment of riches, no matter the balance of our bank account. We do ourselves well to remember that.
What else have we learned from a sluggish economy?
Karen: These are such great things to point out — on the question of cheap books, have you ever heard of PaperBackSwap.com? You should check it out. You list books that you want to get rid of, and you can request books to be sent back to you. All you pay is postage — it’s a pretty great little site!1 year ago
Yes, I have heard of paperbackswap and I’m glad to hear a positive review of it. I always wondered what actual users thought of it.1 year ago
Julia (Color Me Green): those are all excellent points that i subscribe to, but my boyfriend just. doesn’t. the recession hasn’t hit him it all so he thinks money=happiness and hates doing laundry, grocery shopping, chores, etc. i wish i could figure out how to teach him these lessons.1 year ago
Sarah: These are all great points – definitely similar to what I have learned, too. The other point I would add is how my husband and I have learned to live more “creatively.” Creative dinners made from leftovers, creative uses for things we might have thrown away. Creative in our time together (since, like you said, we have a lot under our own room that can provide entertainment). We have found each other’s company to be pretty good fun
1 year ago
nanaofnc: Oh my! Your post is priceless. Basically, it’s the way I live and always have, but it’s great to relearn what a good live it is! BTW, Folgers is great.1 year ago
Julia, That’s tough. Anytime there are two people in a relationship, there are two perspectives on money. Maybe you can both make compromises so he can see where you’re coming from and you can enjoy martinis on his dime? (I’m kind of kidding…)
Sarah, Definitely! Creativity comes into play in so many different ways from what you’re going to cook to how you’ll entertain yourself. And that can be half the fun! A great addition to the list.
Thanks, Nana! (I did have some Folgers once that I thought was pretty good!)1 year ago
Kristina: Great post! I think I’ll put #6 into practice by forgiving my husband for forgetting to take the coupons to the grocery store last night, thereby costing us a whopping 86 cents we otherwise might’ve saved. Breathe. Breathe. And let it go…1 year ago
Kathryn: Longtime lurker, first-time commentor: what a great post. I couldn’t have read it at a better time as I am mulling a move from a big, big paycheck to nearly nothing. I spent nine years as a penniless journalist and then in law school, so I reveled for a bit in the material rewards of corporate life. Will miss them? Undoubtedly. And it wa nice to have them for awhile, if only to know that I won’t miss them as much as I yearned to have them for so long. Anyway, thank you for this post in your typically thoughtful, well written style!1 year ago
alex: i love your list and have found all of those things to be true while being unemployed for the last year. i had a high paying and prestigious position before i was let go, but i’m such a happier person now than i ever was then. by focusing on the simple things in life like cooking at home all the time, reading library books all the time, and spending time working on me-projects has really allowed me to refocus on who i am and what i want.
another lesson my husband and i have learned this year is that camping is really fun! we live in the west so we are able to visit lots of amazing national parks within driving distance, but there is nothing more magical about being in a beautiful location having a beer and watching the sunset with the person you love.
hopefully we will all remember these incredible gifts when life gets crazy busy/full of money again.1 year ago
Sasa: I just had a similar experience. On the weekend, I was whining that I *haaate* living in this small town (I’m a Kiwi-Japanese and grew up in cities but we live for the moment in my bf’s hometown in Austria) because I wanna be somewhere UR-ban, I wanna see some multi-CULturalism, I wanna look at some INTEResting shops, I wanna, I wanna I WANNA…I worked myself into quite a state but perspective change was forced on a reluctant-at-first me when bf walked me into the market square, we had a coffee in the sun and lo, it was just what I needed, even if it wasn’t Tokyo.
And later, I felt rather ashamed of myself when I realised that even though I am having trouble earning enough to support myself here, well, at least I have a lovely apartment and don’t live in a refugee camp with a million other people.
Oops, that doesn’t really answer what we’ve learned from a sluggish economy, heh! Great post though, thanks.1 year ago
sebastian: There must be something blowing in the cosmic winds when pop and David Brooks are on the same page!
1 year ago
Nikki: Such a great post! I always work hard to keep my life simple and I think working to save some money and enjoying things at home are an important part of that.
Thanks for reminding me why I use all my canned goods before buying more. Even though sometimes I drive myself crazy trying to use all those things up!1 year ago
Karen: Great post. I believe the “slow” economy has had an effect on most people I know.
We are always trying to find ways to save money. We analyze our options a bit more these days.
I plan more before I go grocery shopping (trying to eliminate those impulse purchases). We have less waste and save money…. it is a double win situation!
Back to basics. It helps you appreciate the little things more.1 year ago
Sara Rose: Sigh. I wish I could get m husband to see the finer points off this recession and try to enjoy the fact that we chose creative professions where we are also the “designers of our days”. We worked hard to pay off on e mountain of debt and ave yet to overcome the other mountain and he will not, cannot see past it. He sees in dollar signs. It gets frustrating.
Yes, it can suck to not go out weekly or binge at Sephora or at Best By for him. But is the library and our used book store (nothing over $7!!!) that bad? I try to remind him that really, we have the things we need, we get the help we need when things are most dire, and we are happy, human beings but . . . . well . . . .
He I guess doesn’t yet know how to be rich while being poor. One night I asked, “Would you think our lives would be better if we had more stuff, nicer stuff, went out more, all that jazz? Or is the fact that we cuddle our kids to bed each night because we’re not working 90 hour weeks worth something too? Because to me, it is.”
He didn’t really have an answer. It’s hard since we had such a bleak winter and we’ve got so much recovery to do, financially, from the past and are facing an as of right now, very uncertain future. But I guess my hippy dippy parents did me some favors by instilling in me that “there are other things, bigger things”.
Eva asked me the other day why money matters so much. And actually, despite us being a town of less than 13,000, there are homeless people here, and there was one wandering around in the park. So I pointed to him and I said quietly, “He has no house. Money buys comfort and it doesn’t always buy what a person really needs.” She was sad about him & we watched him intently until finally I called him over.
(I should have more stranger danger.) I asked where he was staying and he muttered something about where ever he could. He looked about ready to faint. So, I reached in my back pocket and gave him the very last $10 we have for like two weeks. Then I said, “Let’s go, man. There’s a dormitory shelter at the Catholic Church. But first, lets go buy food with that, not booze.”
So I did the dangerous thing and loaded him with my kids into our car, walked him into HyVee, and used another $10 of my food stamps so we could get him a refillable bottle of water, bread, soup, etc. Then we drove to Saint Agnes and I walked him in and rapped on the confession booth. The priest was fairly startled to come out but I just said, “Give him food and sleep. Thank you.”
Later on I got yelled at by Nolan but I didn’t really care. Our pantry is brimming, we have a paid roof over our head, cars, and electricity. So I just went and knitted. Not trying to be all martyristic here but there really are more important things to whine about when we have “ENOUGH”.1 year ago
Cadi: Sara, your post is wonderful and a great reminder of the little things in life truly being what’s important.
Sara Rose, your post made me cry. Your HUGE gesture of humanity doesn’t happen enough in times like these, and I think that what you did was truly, honestly wonderful, the best example of ‘the right thing to do’ for your kids. Heartwarming on a drizzly day in California.1 year ago
Sara Rose, Your comment really made me feel like an arse. Here I am thinking about how life goes on when you can’t afford good coffee and you’re out giving someone your last $10. I know you didn’t mean to induce guilt, but you’re right — that embarrassment of riches looks even more embarrassing (and more than ready to be shared) when you consider just how little others have. Thank you for sharing that story and changing my perspective even more.1 year ago
Sara Rose: Oh GAWD lady. No guilt tripping. I have this soft spot for homeless people anyway. Besides I dream daily about botox.1 year ago
And that, in a nutshell, is why you’re the best.1 year ago
Franny: Oh Sarah, you really are my kindred spirit! Awesome post!
One thing I’ve learned from tight funds is the joy of recipe-hunting on the internet
I’ve made your ginger soy tilapia often and get so excited about planning a great dinner all week and sharing it with friends for our weekly Sunday supper (we often arrange it so that each person brings one ingredient and I put it all together…deliciously 
Thank you for continuing to share your refreshing perspective with us. It’s so very appreciated!1 year ago
Lilly: I love that you try to be a positive person and think of the bright side of things. Thanks for posting this! I’m trying to be a more positive person so your post and everyone else’s have helped me realize I don’t have it as bad as I think I do. My crush has told me I complain a lot and I even noticed myself but then I also realize that I hate it and that my family does it a lot too so I’m trying to block out all their negativity because I don’t think I’m that kind of person and I don’t want to be. Lately I’ve been absorbing all the comforts of life, the very simplest comforts and it really makes me happier. Your posts are always inspiring, thank you again.1 year ago
amber: “We walked home, warm with jasmine tea, my hand tucked into his coat pocket, sometimes with flakes of snow falling…” –this is a great line.1 year ago
megan: great post, as per the above comments
a few things i’ve learned:
- the world does not end if the sheets and towels don’t get washed every week — buy two sets, you have to do laundry half as often!
- tupperware=best friend; ziplock bags=kaput
- trader joe’s sells really decent coffee for 3.99. check it out, it’s totally worth it!1 year ago
Katie @ cakes, tea and dreams: Like Megan, I’m way into Tupperware now – also cloth napkins, and as few paper towels as possible. We are eating out less and cooking at home more – which can be so fun and relaxing – and checking out books and DVDs from the library. I’m also learning to just be thankful that I have a job, even on the rough days.1 year ago
stephanie: You write so beautifully. Our lives are very different and while I tend to enjoy mostly “mommy” blogs (although I hate that term) I am always happy to see a new post from you.
I’m trying to think of what I’ve learned…I know there has been a shift around our home. We are trying not to eat out so often and giving my husband & I a cash allowance is helping in that regard. If you see only $40 for the next week, do you really want to grab a burger? Not me…I’d rather pack some snacks and hit the thrift store.
(which I also find myself leaving empty handed if nothing truly grabs me.) Anyways, thanks for another great post.1 year ago
Lisa (dinner party): Great post. I needed a reminder of all of the good things this recession hath wrought.1 year ago
EB: As I sit here eating my brought to work with me breakfast of rolled oats and fresh blueberries …. I can’t help but think how contented I am not splurging on the cafe breakfast that I’m sure would just fill me up on fat and calories and make me reach for another expensive cup of coffee to fight off the food ‘lude…. thanks for the gratitude check again sugar!
EB1 year ago
molly: a little late to this party, but couldn’t help shouting out over the greatness of this list! having been walloped by the recession, our lives turned inside out and sideways, and yet feeling a little luckier than ever, I love the spunk and spirit (and tips), here. Many thanks.1 year ago
Lily: Thank you so much for this article. I lost my fancy job in December and have had to change my lavish habits. I found myself connecting with so much of your points and it comforts me that I am not the only one. I have, like many, found great fun in my new lifestyle and am having a hard time imagining going back. It turns out turning pantry scraps into tasty meals gives me more joy than my days of extravagant shopping sprees….imagine that!!1 year ago