Highs and Lows at the Grocery Store
Last night, after a particularly grueling workout, I was craving stir fry. With only $12 left in my weekly grocery budget, I knew I would have to make some compromises. I had to swap the tempeh I initially grabbed for tofu, resisted my favorite short grain brown rice in favor of a cheaper long grain. Even still, with the shoyu and rice wine vinegar, I knew I would go over my budget, but damn it, I wanted what I wanted. And stir fry seemed like such a little thing to ask.
It was a ridiculously crowded time of day at the grocery store, and I got in a line with only one person. Unfortunately, that one person was a woman with a towering grocery cart. As she pulled out imported honey, French feta, and free-range chicken and placed it on the conveyor belt, I could feel my jealousy rising. Her mountains of fresh leeks and herbs and organic dark chocolate represented everything I wanted to buy at the grocery store and just couldn’t afford. I coveted her cart. Now, how low is that? After stewing for a few minutes, I changed lanes.
I got into a line that was longer, but with people buying only a few items each. When the woman in front of me, with a really adorable tyke, placed her bread, milk, eggs, and juice on the belt, she pulled out her food stamps. She was buying the most basic of the basics — and her food stamps wouldn’t cover the total.
There was a small commotion with the store manager having to sign multiple documents, and the woman at the check-out hollering out to her fellow cashiers for help, “How do I ring up this woman’s food stamps?”
I didn’t know what to do. Should I offer to buy the second loaf of bread and juice that was sending her over her total? The last thing I wanted to do was insult her. Finally, she decided to pay in cash for the remaining two items. And to add the sort of detail to this story that could not be made up, Joni Mitchell was playing in the background: “don’t it always seem to go that you don’t know what you got ’till its gone.”
Whatever jealousy I had for the big spender with the big cart of expensive groceries vanished. I thought of my mom telling me there is little point to feeling jealous: “there will always be someone with more than you, and there will always be someone with less.” I’m ashamed to admit that I had been so busy wallowing in self-pity over my sacrificed brown rice and tempeh (tempeh!?) that I had forgotten about all the many, many people right now making much harder choices and much larger sacrifices. What I needed, more than anything, wasn’t a lucky break but a brutal reminder.
Never before have I felt so strongly that what the news anchors announce everynight in their ominous, grave tones is happening to the people around me. My friends are out of work, can barely pay their bills, and the woman in front of me doesn’t have enough money for bread, milk, and eggs. From your emails, I know some of you are in a similar situation.
Sorry to be a downer, and I apologize if I sound preachy, but the best thing we can all do right now, I think, is to offer help to someone who needs it more than we do. Whether you have money or time, I hope you can find some to spare right now. So many of us are so very, very rich. Most of the time, we don’t even know it.
Melissa: Thank you for this lovely reminder to keep things in perspective. I was laid off from my job last week, so I can certainly relate. I’ve actually switched grocery stores to remove the temptation of purchasing the high ticket items. But no matter how dire things get, I refuse to give up my daily dose of good dark chocolate.2 years ago
susan: Life has a funny way of showing us things. Good for you for sharing, I will pass this along.2 years ago
Melissa, I’m so sorry to hear about your job loss, but you’re in good company. And I think it’s important to remember which of life’s little luxuries you refuse to give up. Mine is great coffee.
Susan, Yes, it does. The right message at exactly the right time, huh?2 years ago
MelodyJ: Great post. I agree help whenever you can. I never had what society calls a good job.( I haven’t given that dream up yet). Before the economic meltdown I remember when I was a few dollars short and someone after me would help out. One day when I was at Wawa( a convenient store) an elerdly man with a cane was having trouble getting his money out. I offered to give him the money. But he wouldn’t hear of it. He said “I can’t let you do that”. But he was grateful and happy I offered. I think he was raised at a time when men were suppose to that money from a woman.2 years ago
Sara Rose: Because we’re students and parents we have a foodstamp card- which makes things a lot less humiliating because it just looks like a debit card. But one time when I was behind a woman buying $500 worth of groceries who was insanely rude to the cashier (and cut in front of me in line but whatever), karma bit her quite nastily. As she was proceeding to babble into her cell phone about her new prada purse, her debit card was denied, as were three of her credit cards. She began shrieking for the manager to come an a new lane opened up for the rest of us. I suddenly felt quite a bit richer because at least I was leaving the store with my pride, which I doubt she left with.2 years ago
Jennifer: Touching story. Thank you for sharing.2 years ago
MelodyJ, There’s nothing nicer than being surprised by the kindness and generosity of strangers. And I know what you mean about men from another generation. They never want to take a seat on the subway offered them by a woman.
Sara Rose, Oh wow, sometimes there is justice in the universe. Life really plays iteself out on a mini-stage at the grocery store, doesn’t it?
Jennifer, ha, don’t mention it.2 years ago
Sarah Jane: Things are indeed very bad all around. My parents are out of work and so are their neighbors. So to help cut back on food costs, we’re starting a community garden this spring and canning and freezing for the next year. As long as people try to be kind and help each other, things can only get better.2 years ago
Oh, Sarah Jane, that is an absolutely wonderful (and fun!) idea. Way to make lemonade out of lemons.2 years ago
Suzy: Great reminder. My husband and I just opened a store (I know, in a recession–it’s a long story) and are having a tough time paying for our much increased overhead. We can’t take paycheques right now and are living on a measly insurance payout from a bad car accident a few months ago. But, we’re making it. And judging from the many hard-up people who have come by and pretty much begged for a job, I realize just how tremendously fortunate we are. It makes me feel guilty, actually.2 years ago
Kristina: I’d say you’re just about right on. Compassion is the only way we’ll get out of this one, I think. Let’s hope that everyone learns something from these difficult times.2 years ago
Lisa (dinner party): This IS a great reminder. Glad you shared this. Trying to keep perspective seems like the only way you can really save your sanity these days. Someone always has it better and someone always has it worse. Living in New York has always made this seem so much more blatant to me.2 years ago
Cordelia: How eloquently put. That’s all.2 years ago
Suzy, I wish you huge success with your store. If you and your husband can pull through this time, you can do anything.
Kristina, Yeah, wouldn’t it be amazing if this economic disaster really caused a shift in our culture toward compassion and away from consumerism?
Lisa, You are so right. The divide between haves and have nots is all the more stark in NY. The funny (and sad) thing is, most of us here feel like have nots when we would be have everythings anywhere else.
Cordelia, Oh, thank you. I feel like the whole this came out a little awkwardly — not enough distance from the event, I think.2 years ago
Annalise: Everyone, everywhere is struggling aren’t they? I’m Australian and for the first time ever, I’ve been unable to find a part time job while I study. And you’re so right, there are always people worse off. Everyday there’s a news story about another huge company here laying off hundreds of people, people with mortgages and children. I may be broke, but at least i don’t have a family to support. Puts it in perspective.2 years ago
Brenda Leyland: A wonderful reminder, Sarah! Thank you! And thanks for the courage to share your ‘heart’ with us…..2 years ago
Sara Rose: Funny thing about this economic recession (I’m no better since I have baby Emerson to shop for but we’re doing it as cheapo as possible) but whenever I go pick up baby things (a bit at a time) there are about 8000 stepford wives out and about with big expensive purses and long nails with their carts or arms teetering with purchases. It’s a bit gross. I feel guilty for some of the spending we’ve done lately- necessities but still I’d rather save, I guess.
I saw that lady at the grocery store AGAIN today. Did I mention she has orange hair and wears an orange coat that she was babbling about it being Kate Spade? Well shes does have both. This time she was shrieking at the guy working in produce about wanting cheap strawberries instead of the organic ones they were subbing in for the sale price because they ran out. Where did this troll of a human even COME FROM?
She ended up behind me in line and I decided to go ahead and let two different elderly people with baskets of groceries go ahead of me. Will karma get me for having a vendetta on her?2 years ago
Linnea: Great post… not preachy at all. So true. A good wake-up for us to be thankful for what we have. Hope you have a wonderful weekend.
xo,
Linnea2 years ago
Katie: Where I grew up, there were a lot of people like this. The summer between my junior and senior year of high school, I worked in the local grocery store. Some of the things I saw were heart breaking. Luckily, because it was a small town store, we kept a paper list under the register of people who bought on credit. They would come in and pay down the bill as they could. I’ve never forgotten that there are many people–recession or not–who struggle, who barely get by, but who still want the same things from life that all the rest of us do. I would hope charity and kindness are not qualities we suddenly develop only because the need for it becomes more visible more frequently.2 years ago
Cath: What a great post and a great sentiment. Thanks
2 years ago
Caitcat: Thanks for a really great reminder to be thankful and appreciative for what we have and to share.2 years ago
ann: this story has really stayed with me since i read it; it really helps me appreciate those particularly tough moments and choices in my own life. thanks sarah
2 years ago
Anita: Thank you for this very touching story. Yes, we need to really come to grips that we are in hard times and some have more then others, but many have less and we need to appreciate what we have and be thankful. Thanks again.2 years ago
Amy I.: Hello! Just found your blog via Stumble Upon. Oh my, I love it! Looking forward to following along. I especially loved this post. It’s so easy to let life fly by, taking for granted what we have. Lately I’ve been trying to stop and appreciate what is good in life when I feel upset about something trivial.2 years ago
Gail Gordon: Sarah – What a beautiful way to make each of us reflect on how fortunate we are, even in the face of this recession…and to also remind us that we are all connected.
What I also love is your ability to weave in the humor that comes from everyday living. Your description of the cashier made it abundantly clear that she/he did not have a clue that she/ he was laying bare the reality of this mother’s situation without a thought as to the mother’s pride.Some people just don’t have the gift of understanding!
And your description of the scene was done in such a way as to make me see the humor as you were wrestling with your deep thoughts of deprivation vs.anger at the woman who had so much vs. a desire to help the woman who who it appeared might not even be able to afford the basics. Wow…You created a Norman Rockwell-esque painting in words, Miss Sarah! And ended it with some good advice!
I hope during this interlude that you are experiencing you are focusing on other writing.You are…in my humble opinion…. a master of words. Thank you for sharing.2 years ago
Traci: Thank you for this. It’s clear to me that your strong soul will get you through the days when your budget is blown and you’re out of milk and bread (which truly does stink). What’s more, I think your strong soul is going to get others through it, too. Blessings to you, Sarah, for you are a blessing.2 years ago
September: I liked this post for a few reasons, one being that it’s nice to hear of someone else (and with all of these comments – lots of people) caring about others and wanting to help. I’ve been in a situation similar to this one where I was on my lunch break and in a hurry and a homeless person was outside the door at Subway asking for money. I’ve always been told not to give these people money because “they’ll just end up buying drugs, alcohol, etc.” so instead I offered to buy this man a sandwich. I was happy to help and I knew it would made my dad proud because I have seen him do the same thing several times.2 years ago
MrsB: I read a long time ago that when you feel any kind of negative emotions, jealously, loneliness, resentment, if you just say the word thankyou outloud, it seems as if by magic, there in front of you is a reason to be grateful. I have done this for many years and it never fails to surprise me with its effectiveness. As you so rightly say Sarah, good coffee is something to be grateful for! I would far rather say one big heartfelt thankyou for my hug in a mug, to be rich in soul, wealthy in heart, loaded in happy moments then have a fat wallet! And that, my friend, is the truth! Chin up everyone, we are learning to lead better, more truthful, simple, soulful lives. x2 years ago
megan (brooklyn farmhouse): Sarah – this post is so well written and wonderful. Thank you.2 years ago
Ruth @ GraceLaced: Sarah, you are such a gifted writer. Thank you for sharing. I love that being squeezed helps us find out what we’re really made of.2 years ago
Elle Kasey: Thank you for telling that story. It does kind of feel like hype and exaggeration when you see stories on tv, but the line around the block at the food pantry we pass on the way to the dog park (what a difference of Saturday mornings) brings it all home.2 years ago
hobbit: Really beautiful entry and a truly inspiring post. Thank you so much for sharing. There are definitely sentiments here that will help me navigate these tough times.2 years ago
miss fae: cooooooooo-op, oh co-op! whenever you wanna check it out, let me know and I will take you!2 years ago
Debnet: Great meaningful story. I like the way you write and I love the old photo
2 years ago
Tony: I really enjoyed this article and all the comments too.
It truly annoys me when I see arrogant people out shopping, or flying and trying to make out that they own the plane etc.
This planet could do without them…
I lost my job too 5 1/2 weeks ago, but due to other circumstances I have been living very frugally for the last 2 years.
I made a stir fry last night, brown rice, ginger, green onions, celery, carrots, boc choy and water chestnuts. Everything fresh apart from the water chestnuts, not exactly authentic, but it tasted great. I as usual overdid it with the ginger – I always chop loads and not too fine. The taste really come out then. Oh yes – garlic of course, and a lavish sprinkling of flax seeds and some peanuts thrown in at the last minute. Ginger sesame and soy sauce to add to the sauce, and cayenne and black pepper to season. Yumm…2 years ago
paul wynn: Ahh musical checkstands! I see that all the time while working in a grocery store … customers almost profile the checkers to see whos faster but then end up in the line that takes longer to checkout. Grocery store lines have been ridiculous since the recession because employers have been cutting hours and they claim its because the cost to run the store is more now than it was before but its a bunch of BS… love the site !2 years ago